Five Stories That Are (not) Changing Your World

1. Michael Vick Pleads Guilty. Oh, Michael. You couldn’t escape your one vice: the inability to pass. Wait…no…the inability to stop gambling on animals killing each other. There was some thought that he might onlyget probation, but we all know better. The guy won’t take an NFL field again. No more killing Bengals or Dolphins, Michael! I mean…Wait….

2. Nicole Ritchey Served 83 Minutes in Jail. That sounds about the right punishment for driving down a busy street the wrong way and cracked out of your gourd. Geez, I’ve spent longer waiting in line for a Big Mac, and I didn’t even almost kill anybody.

3. The G.I. Joe Movie is Moving Forward with the Director of The Mummy Attached. Still no Snake Eyes? I’m still not buying it. I don’t think Hollywood gets why people remember G.I. Joe so fondly. But then again…They did Transformers up pretty good.

4. Turns Out the iPhone Sucks Worse Than You Thought. That battery can only hold 300 charges, which is actually quite a bit, unless you’re constantly using it and charging it like…well…the typical iPhone user. And once the battery is dead? Yeah, it’s going to be a couple hundred dollars more to get that fixed by Apple. Don’t want to void the warranty, do you? Then again, it’s already been hacked to accept other service providers, so maybe that pesky little warranty is just getting in the way.

5. The YouTubes is Goin’ Crazy! Litterally dozens of angry nerds are shuffling about (on a blog YouTube set up specificially for them to bitch, no less) complaining that YouTube’s new interstitial ad policy is killing their free video service. If you haven’t seen it, essentially, any licensed videos on Youtube now feature pop-in ads running across the bottom (like ads for TV shows during TV Shows on FOX, for example), which you can click on for an additional commercial. I hate them too, but is it worth staging a net protest? Only if we can get one of those fakey petitions going!

Join us later this weekend for Al Lowe!