Places of Interest

The Crossroads
Camp Taurajo
Razorfen Downs
Razorfen Kraul
Ratchet
Wailing Caverns

South of Durotar and east of Mulgor lies The Barrens, one of the most dividing zones in all of World of Warcraft. On one hand, it’s a pretty good second zone that is always buzzing with activity and has three pretty major hubs in Camp Taurajo, The Crossroads, and Ratchet. On the other hand, it’s a pretty boring, brutal, and if you’ve never experienced “Barrens Chat,” a hodgepodge of horrible jokes and nonsensical conversation, then consider yourself lucky.

Even if you can get around the silly chat, the Barrens quests are kind of a pain. It’s a big zone, which means a lot of running around without much progress, and there’s not much terrain variety, so it’s rather boring. That said, it’s always one of the busiest zones in the game, because there are three mid-tier instances with a lot of quests and pretty good loot, as well as the neutral city of Ratchet, which is a popular destination for Alliance as well as Horde.

Mining: Copper, Tin, Silver. There’s plenty of copper to be had throughout the zone. Tin, however, is quite another story. The nodes are few and far between, and awfully isolated compared to other zones at this level. Not a great place for miners to raise their skill.

Herbalism: Peacebloom, Silverleaf, Earthroot, Briarthorn, Bruiseweed, Stranglekelp, Mageroyal, Steel Bloom, Kingsblood, Grave Moss. As you can see, there’s no shortage of herbs throughout the zone and it’s a great place to run through and level your Herbalism and Alchemy skills. It should be noted, however, that most of the higher level herbs are useless to the lesser skilled characters questing here, and most of them are in the higher level instance entrances anyway.

Cloth: Linen, Wool, Silk There are any number of Centaur and Quillboar who will drop cloth throughout the zone. As such, tailoring and first aid are pretty safe bets here. Silk is a little harder to find, but can be gathered around the outsides of some of the higher level instances in the zone.

Leather: Light Leather, Ruined Scraps, Medium Leather, Thin Kodo Leather, Deviate Scale Mostly standard stuff here, but the Deviate and Kodo leathers are worth noting. The Deviate Scales are unique to The Barrens and the key for the popular Deviate Scale armor recipies.

All in all, the zone is not too bad, but the “Barrens Chat” phenomena and the somewhat boring zone and quests are sure to scare any number of people off to Ghostlands or Tirisfal. For those who can tough it out, however, The Barrens are an interesting mix of second-tier players and more advanced instances and quest lines. Throw in the neutral city of Ratchet, and there’s always something interesting happening in The Barrens.

Neil Diamond time! Are you excited? Yeah, me neither. Two songs a piece tonight, which means a lot of running around, and apparently Paula took her meds twice as well. Nobody seems too psyched about any of this. This? Is American Idol.

For his part, Neil Diamond seems pretty low key about the whole thing. Which isn’t suprising, considering, but it’s bordering on the point of not giving a crap about any of these kids. Also…not really suprising, actually. I do love Neil’s crazy shirt collection though. Jay Lethal should steal some of them.

Jason Castro
Singing: “Forever in Blue Jeans” and “September Morn”
Neil Diamond Says: At least he’s not singing a song from “Cats” this week.
Performance:
Forever in Blue Jeans: It’s a very Castro performance, which I think is wearing pretty thin on everybody right now. It’s not horrible or anything, but it’s just too mellow and boring for this stage of the competition. I do love that Paula thought this was two different songs (I actually think she was going off her notes from the rehersal, but still….)
September Morn: Here’s the funny thing. I think the song sounds really good with this arrangement, but it’s not different enough from anything else he’s done, which is what’s going to kill him in the end. Two really mediocre performances in the top five.
Judges Say: At least you’re not singing a song from “Cats” this week.
I Say: Jason Castro is too entrenched in Jason Castro for his own good.
Change: -1
Score: -6

David Lee Cook
Singing: “I’m Alive” and “All I Really Need Is You”
Neil Says: Did I really write those? Oookay.
Performance:
I’m Alive: Yeah, this is one that I don’t really know. David Cook is still kind of the show’s great white hope, but this is pretty boring. I can’t figure out if the “AC” on his guitar and jacket is a shout out to his brother or AC/DC. It could be AC/DC and he’s the DC? Meh.
All I Really Need Is You: Hmm…Has he always sounded like he was gargling while he’s singing? I think he’s overDaughtrified these songs a little too much, and now instead of just singing in his low grumbly voice, he’s like…Hacking up the words from the back of his throat. Still, among the better performances of the night.
Judges Say: Second was better than the first, but it really doesn’t matter because you’re in the finals.
I Say: He really needs to stop trying to overdo these notes.
Change: +/- 0
Score: +6

Brooke White
Singing: “I’m a Believer” and “I Am, I Sad”
Neil Says: I really want to hug you.
Performance:
I’m a Believer: Sadly, she doesn’t go for the Smash Mouth cover. That would be hillarious. She looks totally freaked out for the first verse. Poor Brooke. Once she gets to the chorus it levels out, but that first half was just insane.
I Am, I Said: Ah…Brooke back in her element. Behind the piano. She clearly struggles to remember a few lines, but she does a pretty good job. I have to admit, I listened to her pre-Idol CD this week and it all sounds a lot like this, and I really enjoyed it. So, yeah. I’m still worried about her mental health.
The Judges Say: The first song was a whirlwind of suck, but you kind of pulled off that second one.
I Say: Can she just sing piano songs until they send her home?
Change: +1
Score: +/- 0

David Archuleta
Singing: “Sweet Caroline” and “Coming to America”
Neil Says: Your Dad says you’re a prodigy, so…There you go.
Performance:
Sweet Caroline: Oh, my God! I do not need to hear Archuletta gasping “Touching you, touching me.” What a silly little song this is. Certainly not his best performance, technically or otherwise. And I wish he’d stop touching me.
Coming to America: Straight from the Kristie Lee Cook School of Vote Whoring: David Archuletta sings “Coming to America.” Badly. Seriously, straight out of Up With People again. Like…he’s at a really bad USO show or something. Simon applauds his balls, and somewhere, Kristie Lee strokes her imaginary horse approvingly.
Judges Say: You’re through to the finals, Trollie.
I Say: This reminds me why I never want to go to a USO show.
Change: -1
Score: -3

Syesha Mercado
Singing: “Hello Again” and “Thank the Lord for the Night Time”
Neil Says: I want to hug you too. Where are all the chicks this year?
Performance:
Hello Again: She’s doing this entirely from the stoop, which is an interesting choice. She’s also not wearing shoes, which is kind of distracting. She looks great though, with her hair like this, she kind of looks like Black Katherine McPhee. Unfortunately, Kat was a better singer.
Thank the Lord for the Night Time: She’s still not wearing shoes. Did she break a heel or something? Even she realizes that the little clap fest they’re doing is kind of ridiculous. Did we ever get a ruling on whether or not it’s ok to sing about the Lord this year? Is it only bad if you’re Irish? The performance itself isn’t bad. Certainly better than the first one, but still pretty boring. Randy continues to tell her to quit the show and go be on Broadway with Clay and Tamyra. Paula just calls her “Brooke.” Oh, Paula.
Judges Say: You’re probably going home, y’all.
I Say: Except that, confoundingly, she never does.
Change: +/- 0
Score: -1

Gotta love how they just rushed through everything tonight. “We only have an hour, so nobody move!” Paula was a special kind of drugged up too, talking about rehersals and calling everybody by the wrong name. So, this was pretty much a perfect night for Neil Diamond to be guesting. As for the performances? Pretty mediocre across the board, though Brooke sort of wins with her second. If only this thing weren’t killing her.

Bottom Two:

Syesha Mercado
Brooke White

Eliminated:

Syesha Mercado. Look, it kind of has to happen sooner or later, and the poor girl isn’t putting up much of a fight. I think she’s probably eager to get all her head shots out to all the musicals in New York and LA. Brooke’s second performance was strong enough to keep her around one more week, possibly two depending on how well Castro keeps up.

So, yeah, I was busy yesterday. Sue me. Actually, please don’t.

Of course, I’ll be busy today also because, in case you haven’t heard, Grand Theft Auto IV came out today. Early opinion? The box looks swell. I have to go to work before I can play it, but I’m looking forward to it tonight.

You should look forward to it too. Unless you don’t like that sort of thing. But watch this trailer and tell me it doesn’t look kind of cool.

Five Stories That Are (not) Changing Your World

1. eBay Loves Them Some Lawsuits. This time’s target? Themselves, of course. Well, Craigslist, actually. eBay owns a controlling stock in Craigslist, but apparently Craig, who’s still running the site from his mom’s basement, apparently, is doing things without their approval. So…They’re suing. Themselves. Awesome.

2. It’s the NFL Draft! Did your team get an immediate starter? A first round bust? The shittiest player available? My team doesn’t have a first round draft pick, so I’m just watching to check out everybody’s posse. You know the best players have the best posses, you know. Like Pacman. He came with all the ghosts, y’all.

3. Microsoft Shut Down the MSN Music Store. You’ve got about another week or so to make illegal digital copies or else all that music you “bought’ will disappear forever. Or it would be…you know…if anybody had actually ever used the MSN Music Store.

4. Nobody Is Paying Their Taxes. Well, not Hollywood stars anyway. Apparently, Wesley Snipes doesn’t believe that the IRS actually exists, and that it’s a government conspiracy to bilk money out of the public. U.S. Senatorial Candidate Al Franken…just forgot to do it for four years. Sadly, Blade is going to jail, so I wouldn’t suggest trying this at home.

5. Twitter Has Exploded. Apparently, it’s the next step of blogging. Don’t want to wait until you get home to let people know how many Mentos you can fit up your nasal cavity? Now you can let them know as you’re doing it. It’s even gotten a guy out of Egyptian prison. I think it’s lame, but Dan is in love with it.

Oh, if you’re betting on this season of American Idol, it’s pretty sad. But it’s still pretty fun to speculate on what the line might be as we creep towards the end of the season. Which David will be singing this year’s terrible song?

Why He’ll Win: People are still up in arms, two years later, that Chris Daughtrey didn’t win his season. Cook is pretty much exactly what the Daughtrey-ites want in an Idol contestant, and he already has the look, sound, and attitude of somebody who could string together a career in the music industry.

Why He Won’t: People started getting sick of his big trick (making every song sound like the same rock song) a while ago, and it’s tough to tell how much that’s erroded his audience at this point. He comes off smarmy and a little full of himself in interviews and on stage, though that certainly hasn’t hurt Bono’s career.

Odds 2:1

Why He’ll Win: He’s this year’s “Chosen One,” and the producers clearly want him to win. He’s technically proficient and clearly has a legion of clingy young women who will vote for him at any cost. I also think he gets a lot of older voters with his boyishness.

Why He Won’t: Simon is clearly fed up with David’s overbearing father, and tends to throw little digs at David over it. Archuletta’s also simply not a marketable singer, and Idol really could use one right now, even as Jordin is doing quite well for herself, there is a stigma that the show isn’t a starmaker. Also, David has a lot of trouble connecting with the audience on an emotional level, he seems to robotic and rehearsed. And the gasping.

Odds 3:1

Why She’ll Win: Brooke seems like the most genuine contestant left, which holds a lot of weight with some people. While she’ll never have the best or biggest voice, she’s right in line with singers like Sarah McLaughlin, Tori Amos, and Carly Simon, all of whom have had very successful careers. She also provides the most emotional impact with her songs. Might be a darkhorse if she can return to her “Let It Be” form.

Why She Won’t: The voice thing, obviously, besides the fact that she’s a more “adult” singer, which I don’t think resonates well with the audience. I think also, she’s just physically and emotionally exhausted at this point. It’s been clear ever since the second week of the Top 12 that the competition is too much for her to handle mentally. If she does make the finals, she’ll be a wreck.

Odds 6:1

Why He’ll Win: Jason clearly has a pretty strong legion of fans who will vote for him no matter what he does. He connects with the oft forgotten nothing better to do stoner crowd. His voice is popular sounding in that Jack Johnson/John Mayer way that will sell some albums.

Why He Won’t: He hasn’t changed up his act enough during the course of the show, which some people look down on. Many people won’t vote for him based on his image. His fanbase is the most likely to become complacent if they feel he’s not threatened. Also, he’s not as technically gifted as the Davids or as emotive as Brooke.

Odds 10:1

Why She’ll Win: Apparently *somebody* out there is voting for her. When she puts herself into high gear, she’s a very servicable singer with middling performance skills. Last week, her best week on the show, she showed a playful, fun side that had never come out before. If she’s able to settle into that “performance” mode, she’ll do much better.

Why She Won’t: She’s got the smallest fanbase and the least amount of skills. She’d have to come back in a huge way and blow everybody away the next three weeks to even have a shot, and even then I’m not so sure she’d be able to compete. Her act is probably best served on Broadway, not on the Idol stage.

Odds 25:1

So there you have it. Tune in again next week to see how much money I’d have lost if I was actually bothering to bet on these stupid shows!

Places of Interest

The Sepulcher
Ambermill
Pyrewood Village
Shadowfang Keep

Just tot he south of Undercity, second tier Undead characters will find Silverpine Forest. With quest hubs mostly operating out of the small town of The Sepulcher, it’s a nice little zone with a lot of different varieties in quest types and things to see. In terms of changes in terrain and different things to see, it’s one of the best low level zones in the game. Special merit given to the town of Pyrewood Village, whose inhabitants are standard humans by day, and Worgen at night.

The issue with this zone, however, is that many of the quests are awfully far flung. While The Sepulcher is a nice quest hub, some of the quest objectives are quite a ways walk in all directions from the hub. As such, many Horde characters give up on Silverpine fairly early and move on to other secondary zones. Those who stick it out might find it wholly unsatisfying as well, mostly because the zone doesn’t do a terribly good job of leveling you up enough to move to the next area (Hillsbrad Foothills). Notable, however, is the presence of Shadowfang Keep, a mid-level instance that is the objective of several different quests for both sides, so the zone does see quite a bit of activity.

Mining: Copper, Tin, Silver. A limited amount, though decent deposits can be found throughout the coastlines and hilled areas. Sadly, despite its name, Silverpine Forest does not have any higher deposits of silver in it than any other zone.

Herbalism: Peacebloom, Silverleaf, Earthroot, Briarthorn, Bruiseweed, Stranglekelp, Mageroyal. This is a great zone for picking herbs, one of the best of the Horde second tiers. There is a long circuit through the center of the forest that will net you almost a full stack of the lower level herbs and a good amount of Briarthorn and Mageroyal. Also notable is the presence of Stranglekelp off the shore.

Cloth: Linen, Wool The drops aren’t *great* here, but they’re good enough to get you by. There are plenty of Worgen, Murlocs, and gnolls that drop cloth pretty regularily, so keep your efforts concentrated on them. You’ll probably end up with more linen than wool, however.

Leather: Light Leather, Ruined Scraps, Medium Leather Pretty standard stuff. A lot of your time will be spent skinning the Worgs in the north and then the bears in the south. The Worgen are skinnable as well, though they’re often more hassle than they’re worth.

There’s a lot of variety of locales and mission types, but unfortunately not a lot to do. Unless you’re passing through on your way to Shadowfang Keep or Tirisfal, you’ll probably be ultimately disappointed by your visit to Silverpine Forest. This is mostly due to the simple lack of XP available to second level players, as the quests run out fairly quickly, and trying to enter Hillsbrad after finishing them is often disasterous. Do your quests here, and move on to another zone, like Ghostlands, until you’re comfortable enough to move to a third level zone.

It’s Andrew Lloyd Webber week! Which means…Musicals! Simon is miserable, Paula looks like a real human being for the first time in forever, and for a second, I thought Randy was giving the finger to Ricky Minor and the band. THIS…Is American Idol.

Lord Andrew is excited because he loves British Idol, will he still be excited when the night is over? (Spoiler: NO!) Poor guy looks terrible in HD, by the way. Kind of like a Hobbit after a face lift. Where’s Enya week?

Sayesha Mercado
Singing: “One Rock & Roll Too Many” from Starlight Express
Lord Andrew Says: Quit being so goddamn boring.
Performance: Sayesha shows more life in this one performance than she has in about nine million shows or however long this season has been on again. She’s lost the poofy hair again (yay!), she’s flirty with guitar guy and Ricky Minor, she’s emoting for once. She’s still totally boring and unmemorable, but her best performance of the season. I love how Simon is implying that she should quit the show and go do theatre. Thanks, Simon!
Judges Say: Nobody knows this musical, but it wasn’t bad.
I Say: Finally, the Sayesha that I don’t remember!
Change: +2
Score: -1

Jason Castro
Singing: “Memory” from Cats
Lord Andrew Says: I don’t think he’ll remember a thing I said.
Performance: Jason has never seen a musical. Andrew Lloyd Webber has no freaking idea what to do with Jason, which is funny. I guess I have a misconception of how many potheads are involved in musical theatre. Then again, Jason has no idea what to do with Jason. This is just awful. Nobody has any idea how to take this. Even Castro knows that this isn’t going well. Old cat songs and this show don’t really mix. Then Simon says not to vote for Jason. Bwahahahaha!
Judges Say: What the hell was that all about?
I Say: He could’ve saved it by pulling out the Phyllis Diller impression.
Change: -2
Score: -5

Brooke White
Singing: “You Must Love Me” from Evita
Lord Andrew Says: I don’t think…she gets it.
Performance: Next up in our “Brooke is rather rapidly falling apart” segment: Brooke forgets the words. It’s right at the beginning of the song, and she decides to point it out by telling Ricky Minor to start over. The rest of the song is really good, actually, her best performance in weeks, but that stop start thing? That sticks with people. She got away with it once, but not twice. Poor Brooke. I feel horrible for her. Simon tries to pull it together by saying he would’ve done the same thing, but she’s about three seconds away from exploding because she knows she’s going home.
The Judges Say: That kinda fell apart pretty fast.
I Say: At this point? Send the poor girl home to her rainbows and kittens, this competition is killing her.
Change: -3
Score: -1

David Archuleta
Singing: “Think of Me” from Phantom of the Opera
Lord Andrew Says: STOP SQUINTING, YOU LITTLE TROLL!
Performance: It takes David about 10 seconds to settle into his first squint of the night. Ugh. This has been an even longer night than some of the two hour shows, y’alls. I do love it when he realizes the camera is on a close up so he tries to open his eyes really wide. The problem with getting him to open his eyes is that you realize there is litterally no emotion there. Just a halfway decent voice. The judges, of course, go nuts.
Judges Say: Lavamoltenhotexplosionofthebomb,dawg!
I Say: STOP SQUINTING, YOU LITTLE TROLL!
Change: -2
Score: -2

Carly Smithson
Singing: “Jesus Christ Superstar” from Jesus Christ Superstar
Lord Andrew Says: You’re fucking singing what I tell you too, you little Irish brat! I’m LORD Andrew Lloyd Fucking Webber!
Performance: Yeah, him cutting her boring ballad off was pretty awesome. It was like, “I wrote that, so I *know* it’s going to be terrible.” To his credit: He was right. Easily Carly’s best performance since “Total Eclipse of the Heart” and certainly in her top two or three all year. Dig her Persian Carpet dress with spangly boobs! And Ricky Minor feeding her “Simon Loves Me” props). Ricky Minor is all OVER this show tonight.
Judges Say: This is why you should listen to Lord Andrew.
I Say: I know she despirately wanted to sing that boring ballad, but this was the best option.
Change: +2
Score: +2

David Lee Cook
Singing: “Music of the Night” from Phantom of the Opera
Lord Andrew Says: Pretend I’m a seven year old girl, and you’re a Utah Cultist
Performance: He couldn’t go full throttle on his whiny emo-ting, and he actually sounds really good. I don’t think he has a future on Broadway or anything, but all things considered this is way better than it had any right to be. He actually pulls it all off until the last note, when he slips back into that throaty Daughtrey crap that he spent the whole week getting rid of. Damn it, Cook!
Judges Say: Lavadoublehalfcafvskimventibomb,dawg!
I Say: Inexplicably good, until that last awful note.
Change: +2
Score: +6

What a really, really long night. Brooke had the unfortunate distinction of screwing up in a major way on a night when Sayesha finally actually did something. Her only hope is that Castro hangers on don’t get up the gall to vote for his Catwoman performance. Which is really unfortunate, because once she reset, she did a pretty terrific job of covering that song.

Still, performance of the night honors to Carly, David Lee, and Sayesha in that order.

Bottom Three:

Sayesha Mercado
Jason Castro
Brooke White

Eliminated:

Brooke White. Poor Brooke. She was doomed from the word “Go” on this one, I’m afraid. Castro’s performance was mind blowingly awful from start to finish, but he’s just plain more popular than she is, and while Sayesha is normally predictably boring, this week she actually had a personality. So farewell, Brooke! I hope you start feeling better soon. Take some solace in the fact that you outperformed Castro and Archuletta tonight…on your second try.

So, I know about 98% of the audience reading this site watches wrestling (Sorry, I’m still not writing the Satire yet!), so this probably doesn’t come as much of a shocker for you.

To the 2% of you that don’t, and never care to, I’ll invite you to check out The WWE’s Presidential…”Debate”. Not quite as clever as their previous on-air debates, but notable for the candidates acting like only old people trying to be hip can. Whatever you say, H-Rod! Didn’t Warren Beatty make a movie about this once?

The clip is worth it for the Obama segment though. If you smell what Barack…Is cookin’. Seriously, though, nice teleprompter skillz, dude.

Five Stories That Are (not) Changing Your World

1. The Pope Is on the Loose. Even if you’re not a Cathlic, or hell, not a Christian, you’ve gotta love the Pope. A little old man who drives around in his bubble car letting people make out with his hands and condeming people to Hell. That’s the best job in the world. Next year, I’m running for Pope. I hope you all vote for me. Anyway, he was in the US this week, on his own personal gospel train through the Eastern Seaboard.

2. Apple Is Kind of Pissed about Psystar. So, a company loved the Leopard OS so much that they juryrigged a standard PC to think it’s a Mac, and then started selling it for about half the price that Apple is selling the Mini. Apple’s not too thrilled that somebody is breaking up their mon…er…”business plan.”

3. Where in the World Is the Olympic Torch? So China roughs up Tibet a little bit right before the Olympics, and now the Torch needs, like, a battalion of troops to get it anywhere. And you can FORGET about taking it through Japan. All this fuss over a li’l torch. Oh, yeah, and human rights violations. Those too!

4. Want to Be Bored in Another Language? Facebook sent out a call this week that if you know another language, they want you to translate their terms of service, menus and documentation for them. So now’s your opportunity for you to get Scrabblous changed to “Screw You, Jerks!” in Ancient Sumarian…assuming you know Ancient Sumarian, I guess.

5. The Internet Is Full. Everybody Off. So, here’s something new: We’re going to run out of IP addresses in three years. That little digital signature that identifies your computer or device is a unique code, but now it turns out that we’re just plain running out of them and once that happens, we’re not going to have any new devices, right? Well…sort of. A new way of sorting IPs is out there now, but companies aren’t rolling it out yet because it’d be too much hassle to make people switch.

Continuing our (second) annual tradition, and completely skipping over the American Idol drinking game because its moment passed while I was on vacation a few weeks ago, here is the Hock Show’s NFL Draft Preview!

1. Miami Dolphins: Chris Long, DE, Virginia

Pros: The Dolpins need tons of help anyway, and long will give them the defensive explosion that they lacked last season. Long has football in his blood (he’s the son of former Raiders great Howie Long) and he’s got that mental toughness you want from a defensive cornerstone.

Cons: Long can’t play every position on the field, and the Dolphins pretty much need another quality player at every position. Long is more effort than athleticism, which means that a tougher NFL lineman might be able to bowl over him.

2. St. Louis Rams: Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU

Pros: The Rams are another team that really needs help in a lot of different places, but their defensive line needs a major overhaul. Dorsey is a difference maker on the D-Line, and should help shore up the Rams’ run defense.

Cons: Dorsey has a rather troubling history of injuries, and in a long NFL season that wears on big bodies like his, that could be a major issue. It’s not worth this draft pick if the explosive tackle will only play a handful of quality years in the NFL.

3. Atlanta Falcons: Jake Long, OT, Michigan

Pros: The Falcons made a bad situation worse last year when they couldn’t block for any of their (admittedly terrible) quarterbacks. The kneejerk reaction would be to take an explosive offensive player (like McFadden) or a quarterback (like Ryan or Brohm), but the Falcons really need a grass roots, solid lineman like Long.

Cons: Long may be the best tackle in the draft, but he’s not nearly as good as last year’s top lineman. He reminds me a lot of Robert Gallery, which isn’t a pro when you’re talking about how good college linemen will play in the NFL. Won’t be a popular choice with guys like McFadden and Ryan still on the board.

4. Oakland Raiders Vernan Gholston, DE, Ohio State

Pros: The Raider’s defense has actually been pretty damn good the last few years, but the addition of a guy like Gholston would put them over the top. He’s a better pure athlete than Chris Long, and he can play Linebacker in the 3-4.

Cons: He’s lazy for one. He’s got all the physical gifts you want out of a big time end, but you never know when he’s going to show up. Potential superstar or draft bust, it’s kind of a crapshoot. The Raiders could really use some more help on offense.

5. Kansas City Chiefs Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College

Pros: Brodie Croyle isn’t going to be the answer, so the Chiefs need to get a QB somewhere in the draft. The temptation will be to trade down and grab somebody like Colt Brennan later, but they shouldn’t. Ryan is the best overall quarterback in the draft, with good leadership skills, good arm strength, and good accuracy. Sort of this year’s Brady Quinn.

Cons: He’s good, but he’s not great, and he’ll probably need a year or two to develop in an NFL system. Won’t make the really deep throws, and he throws into coverage too often for top line corners not to get him. He’s not particularily mobile.

6. New York Jets Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas

Pros: McFadden is a steal here, on the same level as Adrian Peterson last year. Plenty of power and top-end speed. The kind of player that will be able to step in and make an immediate impact. Maybe the first popular choice the Jets have made in years.

Cons: Personality is always a concern in the NFL, and McFadden had a lot of off the field issues in college. If that balloons like it did for Pacman in the pros, McFadden could have an awfully short career. For as strong and fast as he is, better defenders can force pretty easy fumbles on the loose carrying McFadden.

7. New England Patriots Leodis, McKelvin, CB, Troy

Pros: With the departure of Asante Samuel, the Patriots need to upgrade their coverage. McKelvin is the best cover man in the draft this year, and he has the size and speed to hang with most of the best receivers in the NFL. McKelvin is also an experience kick/punt returner if the Patriots decide to use him in that capacity.

Cons: Most of the knocks on McKelvin are the same as those on Samuel. His great physical gifts are offset by his laziness. When plays flow away from him he loses focus, allowing him to run himself out of position for tackles. He’s got a history of leg injuries also.

8. Baltimore Ravens Dominic Rodgers-Cromartie, CB, Tennessee State

Pros: It’s about time the Ravens put someone new in their aging secondary. Rodgers-Cromartie has a similar build and speed to McKelvin, but he’s a little taller, which will help him even more. He comes from a good pedigree (his cousin is the Charger’s Antonio Cromartie), and has experience returning kicks.

Cons: Rodgers-Cromartie is a very poor tackler, which will kill him if he doesn’t improve fast. Tennessee State isn’t exactly a marquee college, and as such he’s never really been tested by any great receivers or complicated offenses.

9. Cincinnati Bengals Keith Rivers, LB, USC

Pros: The Bengals need help all over on defense, but the most pressing concern is upgrading their shoddy linebacking corps. Rivers is the most physically gifted LB in the draft, and he’s a good tackler with decent coverage skills. Maybe more importantly for the Bengals locker room, however, is that Rivers stays out of trouble and is a good leader.

Cons: His tremendous physical gifts have never really translated to stats. Not that stats are the most important thing, but great linebackers show up in the statline. His technique has a tendancy to get a bit sloppy late in games.

10. New Orleans Saints Sedrick Ellis, DT, USC

Pros: Ellis is a gift to fall to the Saints here. They need a big strong defensive lineman, and they’re so high on Ellis they might try to trade up to get him. Ellis is a monster in the middle, with enough power and burst to break through a line and wrap up a runner or quarterback. Great football intelligence, Ellis reads and reacts well.

Cons: Injury prone, which means the Saints can’t totally count on him. He’s a bit undersized for a nose tackle at 6’ and 300 lbs. In college, Ellis could pretty much just outmuscle any lineman he was put against, but that’s not going to fly in the NFL. He needs to work on his technique.

11. Buffalo Bills Devin Thomas, WR, Michigan State

Pros: The Bills need to find a compliment to Lee Evans, and Thomas has the size and speed to do that. Thomas has experience as a return man if Buffalo wants to go that way, and he’s pretty good on reverses and bubble screens, which should take some pressure off Marshawn Lynch and their running game.

Cons Not a lot of experience at the position, as he saw most of his action at Michigan State as a sub. Still learning the position really, so you’re drafting him here based on physical ability and future potential.

12. Denver Broncos Ryan Clandy, OT, Boise State

Pros: The Broncos need to take a lineman here, and there’s a clump of pretty good ones they could take here, but Clandy has the most upside. Long, strong arms and great quickness make him a good fit for Denver’s zone blocking scheme.

Cons: He had some issues with run blocking that will definitely need to be fixed in Denver’s run-first scheme. He’ll need to bulk up a bit to play at the pro-level or he’ll get bull rushed by NFL defensive linemen.

13. Carolina Panthers Chris Williams, OT, Vanderbilt

Pros: There are a lot of linemen that you could take here, and Carolina might opt to go defense at this pick. Williams is a solid offensive lineman with good technique and strength. Most notable for the Panthers, of course, is his exceptional pass blocking, a skill Carolina sorely needed last year.

Cons: Run blocking wasn’t as strong as it could’ve been. Williams isn’t a natural, and he had to play his way into the Vanderbilt starting line-up. Still developing as an elite lineman, which makes him a potential draft here rather than a sure thing.

14. Chicago Bears Jeff Otah, OT, Pitt

The Bears will be tempted to draft Illinois product Rashard Mendenhall here, but the smart money is to upgrade their aging offensive line. Otah’s a strong, beefy lineman who can push the defense into the second level.

Cons: This pick would leave Chicago still with glaring holes at QB (which nobody in this draft would fix) and Running Back. Chicago fans might question not taking Mendenhall here, even if he is a bit of a reach. Otah’s still learning the game and relies too much on pure power out of his stance. Poor conditioning. His upside is fairly limited.

15. Detroit Lions Rashard Mendenhall, RB, Illinois

Pros: Detroit absolutely needs to add talent at the running back position with Kevin Jones out. Mendenhall is a Midwest product which Lions fans will appreciate. Mendenhall is a strong runner with pretty good top end speed. Familiar with Detroit’s multiple receiver package offense.

Cons: He’s not quick enough to evade elite NFL linebackers. Mendenhall is kind of a reach here, because while he’ll probably have a good NFL career, he doesn’t seem to be an elite-type back. Attitude a concern.

16. Arizona Cardinals Mike Jenkins, CB, USF

Pros: Arizona definitely needs the defensive back support, and Jenkins is the best prospect left on the board. Great coverage ability, and the speed to go man-to-man with most NFL team’s #1 reciever. Great fit for the hole Rolle is leaving in their secondary. Ok kick returner if Arizona goes that way with him.

Cons: Jenkins is lazy on and off the field, not really helping support plays that don’t go his way and not working hard off the field. Not a great tackler. Spotty character issues including an arrest earlier this year. Thinks he’s a better player than he is. Arizona could really use a running back here.

17. Minnesota Vikings Derrick Harvey, DE, Florida

Pros: With the loss of Kenechi Udeze to leukemia and the inconsistency of Erasmus James, the Vikings need a hard, athletic DE to fuel their pass rush. Harvey has great quickness and is a natural DE. Can beat stronger players with superior technique.

Cons: I fully expect that the Vikings will trade this pick to Kansas City for Jared Allen. A top-end QB would seem to be a bigger need position. If stronger linemen get their hands on Harvey, it’s over for him. Doesn’t give spectacular production from the position.

18. Houston Texans Aqib Talib, CB, Kansas

Pros: A definite upgrade for the Texan’s secondary. Tallish corner with good range and an excellent ability to get a read on the offense. Does a nice job of keeping up with receivers in the backpedal and an even better job of playing balls in the air.

Cons: Not the fastest corner in the draft. Top line WRs will be able to work him over in straight speed situations. His mouth gets the better of him at times, which could lead to him getting into some trouble with the league. Not a great tackler.

19. Philadelphia Eagles Gosder Cherilus, OT, Boston College

Pros: The Eagles can draft based on potential rather than skill here, because they have a solid offensive line right now, but Thomas and Runyan aren’t getting any younger, so they need to get a replacement sooner or later. Strong arms and hands. Great run blocker, and he‘s got great passion.

Cons: He’s a little slow to react, which will be hard to recover from in the NFL. Poor blitz coverage. Needs to work on his technique to excel at the pro game. All potential here, which is why the Eagles can afford to draft him.

20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers Limas Sweed, WR, Texas

Pros: Tampa does not have a top line wide reciever, and after failing to pick up Calvin Johnson in last year’s draft, the Bucs absolutely need to add some offensive firepower. Sweed has pretty good top line speed, along with great jumping ability. Can overpower most NFL corners going for a high pass. Wants to be a playmaker.

Cons: Not super fast, so defenders will be able to catch him. Mainly projected to be a possession type receiver because he doesn’t get great yards after the catch. Works hard, but needs to show more on the field instead of in meetings.

21. Washington Redskins Kenny Phillips, S, Miami

Pros: Washington needs some youth in some positions like WR and on the defensive line, but the most pressing need is filling the hole left by the death of Sean Taylor. Kenny Phillips is the best safety available here. Good tackler who can transition into pass coverage if need be.

Cons: Not a player on the level of Taylor. Played his way onto Miami starting roster, but missed some time with injuries. Best safety available on the board, but his top line potential is iffy. Will get beat by better pro receivers and backs.

22. Dallas Cowboys Felix Jones, RB, Arkansas

Pros: After releasing Julius Jones this offseason, Dallas is looking for a compliment to Marion Barber in the backfield. Who better than Jones, who is already used to being a talented backup to a better back (Arkansas’ Darren McFadden)? Jones has great field vision, follows his blocks nicely, and has great burst once he’s through the hole. Great 3rd down back and special teams guy.

Cons: RB is certainly not Dallas’ most pressing concern here. Jones is small and will be easy for good NFL linebackers to break down. Not used to the NFL rushing load, which would be a concern if Barber is injured. Good secondary back, but might be a reach this early.

23. Pittsburgh Steelers Branden Albert, OG, Virginia

Pros: After the departure of Alan Faneca, the Steelers need line help. Albert is the kind of guy who can make an immediate impact. Great, strong hands with good downfield blocking. Has played some tackle so he’s versatile. Good foot work. Showed leadership ability at Virginia.

Cons: Gets stood up too often, which means that he’ll get beat plenty in the pros. Needs to bulk up if he’s going to play guard in the NFL. Needs to start faster, directly off the snap. Too inexperienced to play tackle as a pro, but he could grow into that spot.

24. Tennessee Titans DeShawn Jackson, WR, Cal

Pros: The Titans need another playmaker on offense, and Jackson could be just what they need. Great burst, and top end speed, good quickness, and excellent hands. Showed that he can be a burner as a kick returner also. Potentially a Steve Smith-like WR in the pros.

Cons: Against NFL defenders, might end up being more in the Devin Hester/Ted Ginn Jr. mold of providing one or two big plays a game and being shut out otherwise. Not a great route runner, kind of plays his own game. Like Smith, Jackson is awfully small (5’10”) to be a great receiver, so (like Smith) he’ll have to fight for it.

25. Seattle Seahawks Jonathan Stewart, RB, Oregon

Pros: They need to replace Shawn Alexander who has fallen way off his former glory. Stewart is not only a smart local pick, but might be the best overall back on the board. Strong, runs low to the ground which makes him hard to bring down. Great backfield receiver. Good acceleration. Solid backside blocker.

Cons: Constantly nursing injuries, which was part of the problem with Alexander. Not really a tested North/South runner, which would be an issue in Seattle. Not particularly elusive, which means that better NFL linebackers should be able to bring him down in traffic.

26. Jacksonville Jaguars Cailis Campbell, DE, Miami

Pros: Defensive line is the most pressing concern for the Jaguars this off season, and Campbell is the best one left on the board. Great size and speed. Has the strength to get by the tackle and wrap up a bigger back.

Cons: Didn’t put in a lot of effort at Miami. After putting up great numbers as a sophmore, he seemed to slump. Lets himself get worked out of plays. Doesn’t do enough to disengage a lineman that locks onto him. More a pick based on future potential than anything he can do now.

27. San Diego Chargers Brandon Flowers, CB, Virginia Tech

Pros: The Chargers don’t really need to do a whole lot of adjusting, but they could use an upgrade at nickle corner. Flowers is a great up-and-down hitter, with a good nose for the ball in passing and running situations. Not afraid to get physical with a larger back or receiver.

Cons: Not a great cover corner, and won’t get you many interceptions. Not that you need a great cover guy as your nickle back, but he will get beat. Poor speed for a NFL level corner, and he’ll get out jumped for balls.

28. Dallas Cowboys Antoine Cason, CB, Arizona

Pros: Even if they get Pacman Jones, the Cowboys need depth at the cornerback position. Cason is a ball hawk who does a good job reading offenses and reacting to the ball. Not afraid to support the run when he’s needed. Good athlete.

Cons: Too small to play against more physical NFL receivers. Poor technique can get in the way of his coverages at times. Poor speed for an NFL corner. Probably a reach at this point in the draft, but the best CB left on the Cowboy’s second pick.

29. San Fransisco 49ers Jerod Mayo, LB, Tennessee

Pros: Patrick Willis was a great pick last year, but the Niners still need support in the line backing corps. Mayo is a great athlete and a solid tackler. Good movement in traffic. Does a nice job reading and reacting to the offense.

Cons: Sometimes locks up when he’s in a block. Does a poor job getting through the lanes as a blitzer. Too small to make a great interior linebacker as a pro, but not fast enough to be a top shelf outside guy. Better backup than he is a starter.

30. Green Bay Packers Reggie Smith, S, Oklahoma

Pros: The Packers need secondary depth more than anything else, and even though he’s a safety, Smith is the best option left on the board. Has good size and speed for a safety. Does a good job reading and reacting to the play as it develops. Physical enough and a good enough jumper to fight for the ball in the air. Can play coverage.

Cons: Not the natural cover man the Packers would covet. Easy to beat if a receiver can catch the ball over him. A bit injury prone. Will probably be a better special teams player than a defender for the first few years of his career while he learns NFL coverage schemes.

31. New York Giants Dan Connor, LB, Penn State

Pros: Giants have plenty of secondary holes, but the rest of the defensive backs are kind of a wash, so adding depth at LB becomes the primary concern. Connor is a big physical tackler, but he’s quick enough to cover better TEs and backs. High motor player that will work hard even if he’s not starting. Of course, comes out of a program known for its linebackers.

Cons: The Giants will wish they could get a defensive back here, and might reach to get a poor one in the first round rather than go for a sure thing like Connor. Needs to add some muscle to sure up his tackling in the pros. Like AJ Hawk last year, he has a tendency to over think plays which results in him getting blocked or run out of the action.

So there you have it, my guesses as to this year’s NFL Draft next weekend. Now get out there and enjoy the…rain. Or whatever it is wherever you is. Are. Whatever.