1. New York Giants
Last Week: 1
They had the game so well in hand that David Carr played. Let me reiterate that. David Carr took snaps this week. That’s a team that’s riding high.
2. Baltimore Ravens
Last Week 2
Ray Rice broke his consecutive games without a touchdown streak this week, finally breaking through the end zone. Join us in three years when he does it again.
3. New Orleans Saints
Last Week: 3
It was bound to happen some time, the Saints offense got completely derailed this week, though they ended up winning the game. I’d just like to take the time to blame it on Kim Kardasian.
4. Indianapolis Colts
Last Week: 5
Peyton Manning put on another show, but Adam Vinatieri’s struggles are concerning. The guy has been clutch when it counts, but eventually they’re going to need him to score at the beginning and middle of the games too.
5. New York Jets
Last Week: 6
The New York Titans defeated the Houston Oilers this week, in a really sloppy game. Still, it’s easy to see why Jets fans are excited about Mark Sanchez.
6. Minnesota Vikings
Last Week: 7
Favre really Favred that one. By all rights, the game shouldn’t have been that close. The Vikings receivers dropped way too many balls, and the defense was apathetic, but that’s nothing new. They came through when it really mattered, though.
7. Philadelphia Eagles
Last Week: 11
Kevin Kolb performed at a remarkably high level…against the Kansas City Chiefs. So, let’s temper our enthusiasm a little bit. And hey, Michael Vick.
8. San Francisco 49ers
Last Week: 8
They’re going to be without Frank Gore for a while, but Mike Singletary has this team built to fight. They put themselves in a position to beat a playoff team, and in a year or two, they’ll win those games.
9. New England Patriots
Last Week: 10
A bit of a bounce back, including the discovery of a running game. But it’s still clear that they’re not quite back up to the level that they have been the past few seasons.
10. Atlanta Falcons
Last Week: 4
Every team’s going to have some bad games, and in the end, the Falcons will be fine. The biggest concern is all the penalties that drove them out of contention.
11. Pittsburgh Steelers
Last Week: 9
I didn’t think they’d miss Troy Polamalu *this* much. They’ve lost two winnable games in a row, but with the exception of a few winnable games down the stretch, the schedule only gets tougher from here on out.
12. Dallas Cowboys
Last Week: 12
The Cowboys got lucky, taking a win from the suddenly hapless Panthers, after a first half where they couldn’t do anything. The defense looked better, at least.
13. Green Bay Packers
Last Week: 14
Let’s face it. It was just the Rams, but the Packers still did what they had to do to improve. Their offensive line is going to need to be a lot better if they want to beat Jared Allen and the Vikings.
14. Denver Broncos
Last Week: 15
They might very well be the worst 3-0 team in NFL history, but they’re sitting in pretty damn good position to win their division. Maybe Josh McDaniels isn’t such a bad coach after all.
15. Chicago Bears
Last Week: 16
Chicago’s win over Seattle was barely noticed on Sunday, but they’re a steadily improving team. But one that’s going to have to open up the running game for Matt Forte sooner rather than later.
16. San Diego Chargers
Last Week: 22
It’s a little difficult to feel safe about the Chargers in any game. But Rivers is moving the ball well, and developing a good rhythm with Vincent Jackson.
17. Seattle Seahawks
Last Week: 13
Seneca Wallace is a fine stopgap, but the Seahawks aren’t going anywhere without Hasselbeck back in the lineup. They’re also not going anywhere with those lime jerseys. Leave that for the Oregon Ducks, guys.
18. Buffalo Bills
Last Week: 17
Those who had Week 3 in the “T.O. Suddenly Realizes He’s in Buffalo Playing with Trent Edwards” pool: Step forward and claim your prize.
19. Cincinnati Bengals
Last Week: 23
Little by little, they’re recapturing 60-70% of that magic they had a few years ago. We’ll see if Ochocinco’s hot pink accessories help him get some targets to go along with his fines next week.
20. Houston Texans
Last Week: 18
In coverage, they’re still sloppy, and no messages written on their shoes can help that. And their run defense? Actually managed to be worse.
21. Tennessee Titans
Last Week: 19
How the mighty have fallen. The Titans, who ripped off ten straight to open last season, haven’t found a way to win this year. And Kerry Collins is starting to look his age.
22. Arizona Cardinals
Last Week: 20
Speaking of looking their age, a couple more weeks like this and Kurt Warner is going to bitching about his weird beard in a rocking chair with Emmitt Smith. If only he could throw against his own defense.
23. Oakland Raiders
Last Week: 21
There is some talk about letting Robert Gallery’s beard start at quarterback for the Raiders at some point this season. And I have to admit, I think the beard would have a lot more touch than Jamarcus Russell.
24. Miami Dolphins
Last Week: 24
It’s nice to see the Dolphins reverting to form this year. I can’t wait to see that intense Chad Henne/Tyler Thigpen battle over who gets to start for a UFL expansion franchise next season.
25. Jacksonville Jaguars
Last Week: 27
The Jags actually won a game! And I bet they win at least one more before a lineman steps on Maurice Jones-Drew, and they have to rely on the arm of David Garrard to win games.
26. Detroit Lions
Last Week: 31
THEY DID IT! THEY DID IT! THE LIONS HAVE WON A GAME! Leave it to Washington to bail out the Fords.
27. Carolina Panthers
Last Week: 28
Jake Delhomme’s statlines are starting to look a lot better, but the guy has clearly given up mentally. He and Julius Peppers should take naps together during TV time outs.
28. Kansas City Chiefs
Last Week: 29
There was a rumor going around this week that the Chief’s entire playbook has been junked a few times already, and that neither Brodie Croyle nor Tyler Thigpen has any idea what’s going on week to week. Which sums up the offensive juggernaught that is that Kansas City Chiefs pretty well.
29. Washington Redskins
Last Week: 26
This has to be the most embarrassing loss any of these players have experienced in their careers. The thought of failing to keep up with the second losingest team in NFL history was so bad, Albert Haynesworth’s ass gave out on him.
30. Cleveland Browns
Last Week: 30
So…I guess Derek Anderson isn’t the answer at quarterback either? What about letting Josh Cribbs take some snaps? I’m only half kidding there.
31. Saint Louis Rams
Last Week: 32
They hung in with Green Bay for most of the game, which is way more than I thought they’d do. Credit where credit is due: They’re fighting harder than any team that will end up 2-14 would normally do.
32. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Last Week: 25
I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt. After all, they almost made the playoffs last year. But the Bucs are just terrible. Looking down their schedule for the rest of the season I don’t see a game I think they’ll win, no matter who their quarterback is.