I get why you make Anne Hathaway and James Franco the hosts. They’re young, ubiquitous and appeal to a large, younger audience. They even admitted as much last night.
But…how is Grease even relevant? Why would you bother to do this?
At least Ms. Hathaway rocks a 70s catsuit, right ghost of Kirk Douglas. Oh wait, It’s an early preview of Batman! Now I get it.
Last Night: The Miz successfully defended his WWE Spinnin’ Title by being significantly younger than Jerry “” Lawler. Also, Trish Stratus made her WWE return and immediately regretted it. And John Cena won the Elimidate Chamber. Maybe we’ll find out who the lucky lady is…TONIGHT!
(Opening Credits)
Hey! A clock! Counting down from backwards 29! I can’t wait to find out what doesn’t happen. Maybe the whole show will just be this clock!
It sort of bothers me that Triple H is still the most featured wrestler in RAW’s (Opening Credits), by the way. But enough about that, it’s time for some APPLEDOUGH!
John Cena: Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo YO YO YOOOOO! YOOOOOOOOOO! YOOOO! Guess what? I won a date and JOHN CENA IS GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA! And you know who that makes me like? The Rock. Because I’m totally the new Rock, you guys! I’m a charismatic black guy! The crowd loves me! Ever hear the chant “Cena sucks?” It’s just like “Rocky sucks!” It makes me soooo mad! And you know what happens when I get mad!!!
Cena composes himself.
Cena: Rock inferred that I was gay you guys! That’s totally not fair! He’s the one who talks about butts all the time! And he was in a bunch of bad movies for kids! I was in The Marine! And that one bad movie for kids! It’s not fair! I don’t want to go to Wrestlemania if Rock is going to be there. He’s a big mean doody head and I hate him. MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
And then he runs off.
Clock? Still running. Now it’s Pitchfork O’clock.
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John Morrison vs. CM Punk
Seeing John Morrison limp in slow motion almost makes this whole thing worthwhile. Ten years, this is all I have to live for these days, folks. So the story of the match is that both guys are too injured to do their ring entrances, but will be fine for the actual wrestling portion of the show. Glad we got that cleared up. Isn’t this “Prince of Parkour” gimmick basically just Jeff Hardy but with less drugs? Go To Sleep, so I guess I’ll never find out. After the match, Punk grabs the mic and basically begs Orton to wrestle him at Wrestleamania so he doesn’t have to be part of Cena’s intro again. He specifically says that
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Oh, God. These guys are STILL on this show? THIS IS NOT SMACKDOWN!
Ricardo Rodriguez: Here’s this guy!
But before Alberto Del Rio can say anything, Kofi Kingston runs out and waylays him. What is Kofi even doing there? And dressed to compete?! Does he run around the country in his underwear? That seems…impractical. Ricardo unbuttons his suit coat, and Kofi’s so distracted that Del Rio is able to turn on the offense and lock in an armbar. That’s His Move! Seriously. That. Is his move. Kofi lay devastated by this resthold as Alberto unleashes the world’s most awkward wink to the camera.
Backstage, The Miz scares the crap out of Michael Tarver, who was just minding his own business, dammit.
There’s that clock again. It’s jumped about twenty farm implements and now it’s front ways twenty minutes and change.
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Here’s Miz and Riley.
The Miz: Was anybody else disappointed that Rock didn’t come after me harder? I mean, I get his infatuation with Cena, but I’m the champion! You guys! There’s plenty of things to make fun of me about! I’m small, I have awful hair, I have a manservant. I was on a reality TV show. I look weird in a suit. My alternative is this thing where I wear a suit coat, tie and a hoodie for some reason, that’s even more fashionably disturbing.
Michael Cole: I just got an e-mail from the RAW General Manager Demon Girl! She says, “The Rock was in a tag team once. So tonight, The Miz and John Cena will take on Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel in a tag team title match. Because that dot dot dot makes sense. Hugs and kisses. Demon Girl.”
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The Bella Twins vs. Gail Kim and Eve Torres
The Bellas stole Kelly Kelly Kelly’s old ring gear and Melina’s old make-up. Looks…um…great, ladies. This match is for Daniel Bryan’s contract, I think. Or something like that. The clock is on the screen now. OMG! 6:66 minutes left! The Bellas make a switch, which is pretty friggin’ pointless in a tag team match, but whatever, and they get the win. Afterwards they make the “We collectively want the belt” motion, which defies all laws of singles titles, but I guess if it’s good enough for Lay Cool…The clock’s at Pi:00 now. Did that really take three minutes?!
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The countdown is almost up! Damn you for lying to me, Chuck Woolery! So, you know the guy in the black leather coat who we’ve been waiting for for weeks? Well, that was just Trish Stratus. In an unrelated note, here’s the Disemvoiced Body of The Undertaker. Nice giant symbol, dude. Compensating for something, are we? It’s all Vegas’d out too. This is the most ridiculous return to wrestling in minutes.
Before we get too wrapped up in that though, here’s Triple H. Also in a leather jacket. Goddamn it, this is so confusing. His neck is now officially bigger than his head, which is cool. Boy, I sure hope Sheamus isn’t here tonight! Which has nothing to do with this segment, mind you.
I can’t shake the feeling that this would be the perfect time for Shoi Funaki to make his big return. No? All right.
So they stand around. They look at each other. They look at the Wrestlemania sign. They look at each other again. Undertaker is riding a dolphin. Triple H has a whole flock of emus and nothing but time on his hands. Neither guy has said a word. In part because Undertaker’s voice has been legally separated from his body for the past six years, and partly because Triple H literally forgot how to cut a promo. Which is a blessing for all of us.
Then…then…That’s…it then? Oh.
Ok.
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Michael Cole dares ask the question we’ve all been asking ourselves since whatever that was. Will Undertaker kill Triple H? Or will Triple H…force Undertaker to look at his crotch?
King Sheamus vs. Mark Henry
Finally! I’ve been eagerly anticipating this match for seconds! Mark gives Sheamus a big hug. Aww! See? He’s not a big Fella after all. I really hope Triple H isn’t watching this segment. Does beating Mark Henry mean anything anymore? I hold at least two pinfall victories over the guy, and I don’t feel like I’m any closer to getting the WWE Spinnin’ Title. Sheamus forgoes hitting the Bicycle Kick (The Finisher of Champions!), and instead decides to lose to Henry. Well…That’s one thing to do, I guess.
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Backstage, Daniel Bryan is taming chimeras while Gail Kim fawns over him.
King Sheamus: You think you can just tame mythical creatures back here, fella? This is my backstage area too, and I only allow real creatures in my kingdom.
Daniel Bryan: You realize that you’re not a real king.
Sheamus: As real as these liongoatdragons.
Bryan: Touche.
Sheamus storms off in a huff. Bryan shoves Gail off him and flies off on a jetpack powered by the dreams of children.
The new inductee into the WWE Hall of Fame? Former WCW janitor Jim Duggan. It’s really nice to see they’re honoring the little guy!
Here’s Michael Cole.
Michael Cole: Well, I guess I’m supposed to interview Jerry “” Lawler. But if you’ll allow me some self aggrandizement for a second, can you believe I went from being “the next Todd Pettingil” to being “The New Mike Tenay”?! It’s pretty awesome. Now I’m aiming for somewhere between Joey Styles and that NASCAR guy TNA had on for a while.
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Truly, that deserved an ad break. Have we ever, in the history of forty minute promos, ever taken a break mid-promo before?
Michael Cole: Jerry, there’s plenty of stuff I could make fun of you about. How you’ve never won a World Title. How you’re only famous because a comedian sold for you once. About how your territory got plowed in by WWE. How you can never keep a marriage. How you won’t date anybody over the age of fifteen. How you’re not even a fake king anymore. How you lost to Miz, friggin’ MIZ, last night. But instead I’m just going to stand here waving my finger at you, almost, but not quite, poking you. Poke poke poke!
Jerry “” Lawler: I have to admit, my Wrestlemania dream has always been to wrestle a wheezy announcer. Admittedly, I always thought it was going to be Coach. But you’re nearly as good. Wanna wrestle?
Cole: Don’t rape me!
Then Cole runs away.
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The Corrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre (w/ Ezekial Jackson and Wade Barrett) vs. John Cena and The Miz (w/ Alex Riley)
For the WWE Tag Team Titles
I miss Santino and Vlad. They were the best tag team champions. So crazy odd couple tag team champions. This has never happened before, right? The Corrrrre decides to stay away from the ring and drink rum with Lawler and WWE Diva Josh Mathews, so let’s see what effect that has on the match. Cena and Miz politely, if sternly, tag each other in and out, completely no selling any attempt at offense by the champs. Then Miz hits his move (That’s His Move) for the win. Really? Cena and Miz are really happy about this turn of events. Aw! They’re best friends now! Barrett immediately invokes the rematch clause. Which…can you do that? Is it like a Money in the Bank thing?
WWE Diva Josh Mathews: I just hacked Michael Cole’s e-mail account. That’s all. Just thought everybody would like to know that.
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The Corrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre (w/ Ezekial Jackson and Wade Barrett) vs. John Cena and The Miz (w/ Alex Riley)
For the WWE Tag Team Titles
Sure, why the hell not. Does this mean that Santino and Vlad won’t get their rematch? That’s not fair. Tamina is going to be really sad. Heath Slater is all over Cena until Miz tags in. The Corrrrrrre takes time away from Insult Swordfighting to take a few cheap shots on Miz, though. It’s really nice to see these guys in the main event again. For however short a time this will last. About another five minutes or so. Then Zeke turns back into a pumpkin and Barrett into a mouse in an overcoat. Shockingly, Miz remembers that he’s a heel, and hits Cena with his move (That’s His Move) allowing The Corrrrrrre to get the win and the belts. Shortest lived fake tag team ever. Ever!
Next Week: Undertaker and Triple H manage a word between them. That word? Fries. Also, The Rock returns to call Cena “Fruity Pebbles” and Miz “Bam Bam,” thereby making Miz Wrestling’s 8th Bam Bam. And Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler commentate from bunkers on opposite ends of the arena.
Lore:
The third building in the Tempest Keep series of instances (and the last five man) is Arcatraz. The prison where the Naaru have placed the most dangerous of the creatures they’ve captured throughout the universe. Of course, their ideas of dangerous, and at this point, ours, are very different.
Here, Kael’Thas sent a group of elves to secure the prison and look for any potential allies to help them in their struggle to take over Outland. However, the warden ended up getting mind controlled, and he opened all the doors, so now all the prisoners friend or foe are pouring out trying to kill everybody in sight.
Degree of Difficulty: Hard
At level, the trash is really pretty difficult. The first room is an endless string of mobs. The wraiths drop a lot of AOE damage. The demons in the final room do swaths of damage even to well geared tanks.
The bosses, however? Surprisingly easy. Zereketh drops some void zones which suck but aren’t awful to heal through. Soccothrates and Dalliah are actually more amusing then difficult. Both just involve a little kiting around. The gauntlet up to Skyriss is a breeze, and the bug itself is pretty damn easy as long as you don’t mind killing a couple of him.
Special Features:
Arcatraz requires a flying mount to access, unless you get there through LFD or a Warlock summon. Access to the heroic mode can be purchased from the Shattar quartermaster in Shattrath City at honored.
Recommended for Levels: 70-72
Arcatraz is really short, fairly easy at this stage in the game, and the gear and cash that drops is worth it on some level to characters transitioning to Wrath of the Lich King content. But we’re talking about stuff that’s two expansions old now, and it’s really not worth looking into anymore.
I’ve said it a billion times, do these for some achievements and rep, but otherwise it’s not worth going through the trouble anymore. If you’re smart you’ll just wait until you’re 85, and breeze through this one solo.
Ever wonder what Star Trek would be like if it was developed by a bunch of neckbeard kids?
Well, here’s the crew of the Enterprise NCC-1701-D, getting themselves addicted to some Angry Birds.
I’m sort of a basketball fan, in that I don’t watch or follow basketball at all, but if it’s the only thing on, I’ll watch it. The NBA is pretty terrible, though, and has been for years.
In fact, the only thing about professional ball that I really enjoy watching anymore is the Slam Dunk contest. And this year’s didn’t disappoint.
Here’s highlights of the contest, including the Clipper’s Blake Griffin dunking a ball thrown out of the sunroof of a car, while he jumps over that car.
(Not in this Video: Charles Barkley proclaiming that that dunk wasn’t that great, and comparing it to dating a hot girl that’s really stupid. Never change, Sir Charles!)
1. I Welcome Our Computer Overlords. Watson, the computer IBM programmed specifically to win at Jeopardy, shockingly won at Jeopardy. It won over all of the show’s highest winning champions, including Ken Jennings. Somehow, I still think Googling the answers is cheating.
2. No, I Swear I’m Going to Buy This Magazine. Borders declared bankruptcy this week, closing 200 of its national locations. It’s partly a victim of Barnes and Noble swallowing up all the physical bookselling marketplace, and partly because nobody actually buys books or magazines anymore. They just go to Borders and read them there…Oh wait.
3. Now, Where’s that Child Abuse Reporting App? A man was so thankful for social media’s impact on Egypt’s recent coup, that he named his daughter Facebook. Somewhere, a guy with a MySpace tattoo is shaking his head in sad wonderment.
4. Oh, Madison. My old hometown is being featured heavily on TV, as Governor Scott Walker tries to negotiate state workers out of their collective bargaining rights, which isn’t going over great in the most liberal city in the state. I’m not going to talk about politics here, but I just have to say I’m glad I don’t live on State Street any more. It was hard enough getting sleep down there.
5. What Have You Done for Me Lately? Bob Sanders, the ultra talented 2007 defensive player of the year was released by the Colts last week with little fanfare. It may have had something to do with the fact that he’s made out of porceline and has only played nine games since, but it’s still a pretty shocking turn-around for one of the game’s best.
Last Week: The stunning return of Alex Wright, didn’t happen. Also, Vince McMahon showed up to let everybody know that he was going to show up this week. And CM Punk decided to win his Elimidate Chamber by Elimidating everybody before the match even happens. Who will be left…TONIGHT?!
No (Opening Credits) Let’s get right the hell to this.
John Cena: Folks, I’m going to be honest with you. At this point it doesn’t matter what I say or do until Wrestlemania. So, I just wanted to say Lady Gaga, Snooki, Michael Cole, boogers.
Michael Cole: John, you can’t just come out here spouting off lists and PG insults. Wrestlemania is coming up! Start actually trying to build some suspense here!
Cena:
Cena gasps and puts his hand to his mouth in disbelief.
CM Punk: Oh my God, can I shut this guy up? The Gray’s Sports Almanac from Back to the Future II says that I beat the crap out of him, so it’s got to be true.
WWE Diva Josh Mathews: Actually, that only went up to 2000, and since you didn’t face John Cena in 2000, I can only believe that either your understanding of the book is mistaken or there’s been an alteration in the time stream.
Punk: What are you doing here? You may be hot, but you’re a friggin’ mark! Go away.
John-
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John Cena vs. CM Punk
Cena has somehow recovered from his utterance of the “b” word without fainting. Why does CM Punk always look like he’s alternately trying to unhinge his jaw and eat out the inside of his mouth. Both sometimes. Does it have something to do with Paramore breaking up? At least Hayley seems to have landed on her feet. She looked terrific at the Grammys. Which is way more interesting than…WE’RE MISSING THE WESTMINSTER DOG SHOW! WHAT THE HELL?! Why didn’t anybody tell me? Oh, I am so pissed off right now. But, I’ll have to check in later, because Punk is whapping on Cena with a wrench, which WWE RAW Referee Jack Doan thinks is too hilarious to call for a DQ about, so Punk gets a GTS and the pin. Hey! Good for him!
Backstage, the limo containing the Wrestlemania Guest Host pulls up. My money is on DJ from Full House.
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Hey, it’s these guys!
Ricardo Rodriguez: Hi!
Alberto Del Rio: You guys! I’m still main eventing Wrestlemania! We’re quickly running out of time for them to pull the plug on this! I might actually do it! Think about that! A luchadore! A year ago I was wrestling La Parka on a street corner in Mexico while wearing a mask that made me look like Aldo Montoya! Now look at me! I’m wrestling in front of millions of people in an actual ring against Edge! So really not a trade up, if you think about it. But I’m not going to complain, because Dos Caras Jr. would never have worn an awesome scarf like this.
Edge: Man, I don’t drink beer very often, but when I do, I drink Dos Caras Jr. So you’re my opponent at Wrestlemania still? Well, at least it’ll be a short night. And I won’t have to fight Dolph Ziggler. Wouldn’t that be embarrassing? Not as embarrassing as this!
Edge then runs around the ring, knocking Alberto and Ricardo off the ring apron about nine times each.
Vickie Guerrero: Excuse me! Who was that supposed to be embarrassing for? You look ridiculous. But I’m going to one up YOU! Because I’m making Dolph the WWE World Heavyweight Champion!
Dolph Ziggler: Even I’m a little perplexed, but what the hell.
Vickie: And also I have video proof that an action figure of you attacked an actionf igure of Teddy Long! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Dolph and Alberto laugh too. But I’m pretty sure Alberto’s laughing at the concept of a Teddy Long action figure more than anything else. THIS Is Monday Night RAW.
Backstage, two ladies are involved in wrestling?
Who is the man in the black leather coat? Broad chest? Scruffy beard? Are you thinking who I’m thinking?
That’s right. It’s Edge. They’re just letting us know that Smackdown is still going to be on RAW for whatever reason next week. Just in the creepiest way possible.
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Natalya vs. Eve Torres
In a LumberJill Match for the WWE Divas Title
I’m immediately distracted by Alicia Fox’s awesome hair and I stopped paying attention to the match. She and Maryse are easily the best part of this match. Literally everybody immediately begins threatening to throw their shoes at each other. Did R-Truth book this match? Then Eve jumps into the crowd of arguing ladies, and Maryse goes down, and Alicia’s like, “Giiiiiiiiiiiiirl, you ok?” and at this point even the particpants of the match have checked out. And then Eve gets the pin. Or something. I don’t frigging know.
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Backstage, the Bella Twins are trying to limbo under Eve’s chin, but they start shoving each other. And Gail Kim is there with half of a dress. And Natalya flies in out of nowhere for no reason that I can discern. And this segment is the one that’s made the most sense so far tonight.
At ringside, Sheamus hits the Bicycle Kick (The Finisher of Champions!) on Mark Henry and calls him a Fella. Wait! I was really excited about the prospect of a Mark Henry match! Who was he fighting?! Was it Yoshi Tatsu?!
Elsewhere, Miz and Alex Riley shoves Tough Enough Jessie into a pool of her own tears. She adds to the pond. And Michael Tarver just watches it all go down.
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The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) vs. Daniel Bryan
Michael Cole takes a moment out from mourning with Jerry “” Lawler over his recently passed mother to call him an idiot and a coward. Can…can we get Daniel Bryan some actual music yet? Please? Bryan leaps into the ring and is immediately surrounded by 42 women, crawling all over each other to be his Valentine. Bryan, however, only has eyes for one woman. He takes a rose out of WWE RAW Referee Charles Robinson’s hair, puts it between his teeth and saunters over to that special lady. WWE Diva Josh Mathews is smitten. The screen fades to black, so as not to blemish our PG rating with the NC-17 rated tryst that follows.
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Bryan is back in the ring, teaching Miz how to do grow a neck beard and do armbars, while Alex Riley looks on in awe as these two specimens of wrestling manliness. His work done, Bryan calls forth a flock of doves, carrying a child’s swing which fits his body perfectly. Bryan steps daintily into the swing, tossing locks of his neck beard hair into the throng of fawning women which as only grown in the waning moments of this match. The doves flutter away, not even straining as they take their hero to his spoils. No matter that Miz just won by countout. We know who came off better here.
He just needs new music. Or some music.
The Miz: Jerry Lawler’s mom died. That’s Awesome!
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Michael McGillicutty and David Otunga (w/ Mason Ryan) vs. John Morrison and R-Truth
I miss Husky Harris. I never thought I’d say that, and in my heart of hearts I know that I don’t actually mean it. But there it is. And when it’s on the Internet, it’s forever. Until it gets deleted. So what I’m saying is that I don’t really actually miss Husky Harris. What’s Up? Bananarama in my pants, that’s what’s up. Apparently RAW General Manager Demon Girl booked this match, which kind of seems like a waste of her time. Otunga’s really excited because Jennifer Hudson was at the Grammys last week. John Morrison walks into McGillicutty for the win. I wonder what Mike thinks of Dolph Ziggler. But not too much.
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Here’s…some girl. She owns RAW now!
Ariel Winter: More people watch Modern Family every week than will watch this show in a month. And I really had no idea this show was still on TV. That’s too bad. So, they were talking about embarrassing moments earlier, and I can top them all. Because I was in a movie with Triple H. It’s called Something, I Don’t Remember or Care. It’s awful and it’s getting a “limited engagement” which means that it’s not even coming out in theatres really. So…Yeah. That’s depressing. My career only goes down from here.
The Great Khali: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
Indian Eric Bischoff: The Great Khali Says, “Everybody Make Out!” Happy Valentines Day Everybody!
Khali, Eric, and Ariel all dance around while Santino and Tamina, Dolph and Vickie, and Maryse and Yoshi Tatsu all make out. Yoshi Tatsu is like the Japanese Daniel Bryan. Even Ted DiBiase approves. Getting Yoshi’s sloppy seconds is an honor. The cam turns to William Regal who is biting Zack Ryder’s neck. He turns into a bat and flies away. Hornswoggle picks up Ariel and carries her off to his realm under the ring. Dude! She’s like 12. Bad company mascot. Bad! And she’s dressed like a little drummer boy for some reason. I think that used to be Edge’s gimmick. Not pictured? Greg “The Hammer” Valentine, who is currently wrestling at a backyard federation near you. Check your local trees and community center bulletin boards for details.
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King Sheamus vs. Randy Orton
I’ll just point out that it’s a little weird to be asking a 12 years old girl to host a segment about people making out. Dressed like Edge or not. I wonder how much Sheamus’ cloak is. Do they have it on Shopzone? They’d probably only have a Snuggie version of it. It’d still totally be worth it though. Randy’s ring attire on the other hand? Pretty boring. What a fella. Pretty even back and forth here in terms of offense. And then Sheamus falls over. Orton wins! Well, that was a match.
The limo is moving around backstage. And out steps a pair of feet. A pair of women’s feet is GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA! At least we know Rex Ryan will order.
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No, wait. The actual host of Wrestlemania is The Rock! Well, geez. Finally.
The Rock: Finally! Fiiiiiiiiinally, The ROCK has come BACK to Insert Town’s Name Here! And you know what that Rock has realized? Race to Witch Mountain, Fast and the Furious 5, and The Tooth Fairy really don’t do much for your acting career. When Jonathan Coachman is having more success post-wrestling than you? Well…It’s time to come back for a while and remind people that you used to be cool. Anybody remember when The Rock used to be cool?
Crowd: About seven years ago!
Rock: It’s still impressive that you guys can all do that at once. But, yeah. It’s been about that long since I last told Michael Cole that he was a hermaphrodite. But I’m not here to talk about that. Instead I’m here to evaluate the current crop of WWE Main Eventers as compared to myself and Stone Cold Steve Austin. Which is fair. First of all, there’s The Miz, who I thought was Justin Beiber when I first saw him. But Beiber is more manly. And Miz is smaller. And John Cena? John Cena?! That’s the guy you got to replace me? Oh, no. No no no no no. Awful. What does “You can’t see me” even mean? What is APPLEDOUGH and where can I get some? God, WWE sucks these days. What the hell are you guys thinking? And what’s with this PG rating? Oh. My. Goodness. “Poop?” “Doodyhead?” In my day we used to say real swears! Things like “Roody Poo” and “Jabroni!” So now that I’m back, and I am back until my film career takes off again, I’m going to systematically destroy everything WWE has built up with these guys in the past seven years. IF YOU SMELL-LA-LA-LA-LA! What Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson™ IS COOKING!
Next Week: The Rock spends two hours talking about what a waste of breath Randy Orton is. Also, Jerry “” Lawler celebrates his big WWE Spinnin’ Title win by trying to pick up twelve year old actresses. And it’s 2/21/11, and you know what that means! The Return of the Man in the Black Leather Jacket! That’s right, Scott Hall accidentally, drunkenly shows up.
Places of Interest
Baradin Basecamp
Hellscream’s Grasp
Ironclad Garrison
East Spire
Stagworks
South Spire
Warden’s Vigil
West Spire
Like Wintergrasp before it, Tol Barad is an PvP centered zone with daily quests for level 85 players looking to eat up some extra honor and cash. The object is to capture or hold three nodes (depending on if you’re the attacker or defender) within 15 minutes. There’s a 2 hour and 30 minute timer between battles. Between battles, both sides can take part in several dailies that are worth honor and cash.
In Warcraft history, Tol Barad was a human capital of some renown which was the staging point for a lot of the human’s fleet. When the orcs attacked from the Dark Portal, they realized the importance of a site like Tol Barad, rowed over there and slaughtered everybody in sight, and it became a ghost town until a couple mages from Dalaran decided it’d make a nice place for a maximum security prison. Better placement than Violet Hold, anyway.
These days, the prison is gone, and the Horde want the island back as a harbor to link their armies in Eastern Kingdoms to the ones in Kalimdor. The Alliance is sort of offended that they’d dare try to set up camp on the site of one of the Horde’s bloodier massacres, so they dispatch an army to repel them.
Mining: Elementium, Pyrite. Quite a few nodes around the island, especially along the coasts. Be forewarned, however, that there are fairly high concentrations of mobs around these nodes.
Herbalism: Azshara’s Veil, Cinderbloom, Whiptail. The center part of the zone is a nice place to gather an herb or two, especially the forested areas. It’s not great for farming, but if you’re already there, you might as well.
Cloth: Cindercloth. Ghosts and humanoids both have a chance to drop some cindercloth, but not to a level where it’s worth coming here just to farm it.
Leather: None The only animals on Tol Barad are foxes, which you can’t skin. So sorry, Skinners, you’ll have to find your mats someplace else.
Tol Barad is a nice idea. It’s a cross between the World PvP of Wintergrasp, and the centralized daily questing of Quel’Danas. It’s a great boon for bored 85s looking for something to do to pick up some fun PvP and doing dailies with some good cash and item rewards.
So for now, once you’ve done a few instances, maybe a raid or two, and are still looking for something to do, by all means, tackle Tol Barad. Wintergrasp was very popular during Wrath of the Lich King, because it was a great in-world outlet for the Horde/Alliance tension. It’ll be abandoned immediately after a new expansion (just like Wintergrasp and Quel’Danas), but for now? It works just fine.
The Satire is coming up soon, and FINALLY the Rock has come BACK to the RAW Satire.
In the meantime, enjoy his promo from Monday night.
Love is in the air! So to celebrate, here’s 2011′s lover’s anthem “The Song Otherwise Known as Forget You” (according to the Grammy’s last night).
So thrill as CeeLo Green forgets the words to his own song, sings with a band of muppets (including Gwyneth Paltrow), all while dressed as a turkey.
It’s…My head just exploded.
.