1. Who Wants to Buy an Indie Game? Valve tempted gamers this week by selling an Indie game pack with the promise that if you play it enough Portal 2 will release (a few hours) early. It didn’t really work, because though sales of the games were way better than normal, I think Valve vastly overestimated how many people who want to play Portal, also want to play “The Ball” for 1,000 hours.

2. Turns Out Online Gambling Is Still Illegal. The FBI shut down basically every online gambling site running in the US this week, including heavy hitters like Poker Stars and Full Tilt Poker, freezing players out of hundreds of thousand dollars in cash. On the plus side, maybe now ESPN can show something other than poker for 16 hours a day.

3. Playoffs Playoffs Playoffs. The NBA, NHL, and for whatever reason lacrosse (which may very well be more relevant at this point) are into the playoffs. Who will win? Will anyone be paying attention?! Stay tuned! Unless…I stop following it.

4. Edge Retires. I intentionally kind of glossed over this in the Satire, but I think it’s wonderful that a guy got out before he killed himself. Finally a wrestler took the advice “You should really retire before you ruin the rest of your life” seriously. I’ll miss him, but seriously, good for him.

5. Wii 2? Nintendo is hiring a whole heap of new engineers to work on something called “Project Cafe” which is thought to be the next hardware console from them. Presumably some sort of HD/3D hardware on the level of the 360 or PS3, maybe a bit higher. As long as I get 18 more Mario Party games. I don’t care.