Archive for November 2011

Hock Show NFL Power Rankings for Week 12

November 30, 2011 NFL No comments

1. Green Bay Packers Detroit didn’t so much as get in their way. At this point 16-0 is looking nearly certain if they really want it. Last Week: 1

2. Baltimore Ravens Hard to argue who the best Harbaugh is right now. Last Week: 6

3. San Francisco 49ers Slowly running out of steam, but thankfully for them, it won’t matter much. Last Week: 2

4. New Orleans Saints Drew Brees is on pace to throw for more yards this year than Tim Tebow will throw in his entire career. Last Week: 3

5. Pittsburgh Steelers Definately some trouble, but this is when the Steelers really shine anyway. Last Week: 4

6. New England Patriots: Tom Brady and Wes Welker are on cruise control, unfortunately the rest of the team really isn’t. Last Week: 5

7. Houston Texans Even Brett Favre knows better than to come back to this QB black hole. Last Week: 7

8. Dallas Cowboys Suddenly, they’re playing just well enough to win the stupid NFC East. Last Week: 8

9. Oakland Raiders When Darren McFadden eventually comes back, he’s going to wonder what the hell happened to this team. Last Week: 14

10. Denver Broncos Kurt Warner told Tim Tebow to “tune down” the Jesus stuff this week. Then Kurt Warner started on fire. Last Week: 15

11. Atlanta Falcons How a team this bad is leading the Wildcard race in the NFC is beyond anybody. Last Week: 11

12. Chicago Bears The Bears are on the lookout for a new quarterback. Somewhere, Jeff George is tuning up. Last Week: 9

13. Detroit Lions So their plan is to just stomp out the competition? Well, that worked well. Last Week: 10

14. Cincinnati BengalsThe wheels are slowly coming off the Bengals bus, but it’s not running anybody over, yet. Last Week: 13

15. New York Giants No more miracles for the Giants. It sucks when you play actual good teams (And the Eagles, for some reason). Last Week: 12

16. New York Jets The defense is still competitive, but this offense really can’t keep up. Last Week: 16

17. Tennessee Titans: Chris Johnson is finally back to looking like a video game. For now. Last Week: 17

18. Buffalo Bills Stevie Johnson and David Nelson are the new Keystone Cops. Last Week: 18

19. Philadelphia Eagles They had the Patriots down and flustered. Then the other three quarters happened. Last Week: 19

20. San Diego Chargers: Even the Charges don’t look like they hold out much hope for the Chargers right now. Last Week: 20

21. Tampa Bay Buccaneers It does sort of make you wonder how this team won so many games last season. Last Week: 21

22. Kansas City Chiefs Kyle Orton probably would’ve started this week, but he chugged a turkey full of Jack Daniels prior to the game. Last Week: 22

23. Seattle Seahawks Tarvaris Jackson suffered a torn peck last week. This is not expected to affect how awful Seattle is. Last Week: 23

24. Miami Dolphins Well that was a fun little run. Now the horrible realization that they screwed up their draft position. Last Week: 24

25. Arizona Cardinals So they can just lobby to have the other team punt instead of running an offense, right? Last Week: 29

26. Washington Redskins Everybody please welcome Sexy Rexy back to the fold. For a week. Tops. Last Week: 26

27. Cleveland Browns A week after I cursed his name yet again, Peyton Hillis reappeared in the Browns backfield like a ghost. Last Week: 25

28. Minnesota Vikings In a stunningly effective move, Vikings Coach Leslie Frasier placed the entire team on IR this week. See you next year! Last Week: 27

29. Jacksonville Jaguars Jack Del Rio? Fired. The Team? Sold. The fans? Don’t really care. Last Week: 28

30. Saint Louis Rams Don’t worry, Rams fans. Next year is the year they put it all together. We swear. Last Week: 29

31. Carolina Panthers Being better than the Colts does not count, even if you’re this bad. Last Week: 31

32. Indianapolis Colts Can Dan Orlovsky pilot TWO teams to 0-16 teams? What a resume that’d be! Last Week: 32

YouTube Monday: Old Men Fighting

November 28, 2011 YouTube No comments

Joe Kapp was a quarterback for a few CFL championships. Angleo Mosca was a defender who made a dirty play against Kapp fifty years earlier.

What do you get when you bring the two together? Reconciliation!

No, just kidding, you get a fist fight. Watch as Joe Kapp passive aggressively offers flowers, Mosca whacks him with his cane, and Kapp decks him. It’s the best fight between 70 year olds you’ll see all week. Guaranteed.

Hock Show Weekend Top Five for November 20th – 26th, 2011

November 28, 2011 Uncategorized No comments

1. Happy Thanksgiving! We live in a world where an 30 year old Charlie Brown cartoon beat out Lady Gaga in the ratings, and I’m very thankful for that this year.

2. Happy Birthday! I turned 31 this year. Cash and cake considerations can be forwarded to me at this address.

3. The NBA Is Still Around. The NBA’s Players Association finally caved to a deal that offers them almost nothing that they wanted in exchange for a 66 day season and a 5-6 hour marriage to Kim Kardassian for each player with 5 years of service or more.

4. People Dying for Deals. It’s Black Frida again, time for all kinds of stories about people getting killed over and trampled for 10% off TVs. Join us next week when 10,000 laptops will be crushed for a $5 Amazon Gift Card.

5. So This Is Football. Ndomakong Suh got suspended for stomping some dude because he was too fat to get up. Jason Witten totally grabbed that cheerleader’s butt. And then the 49ers took a trip back in time and played like it was 2010. I love Thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving to All!

November 24, 2011 Special Events 2 comments

I hope you all had a fantastic Thanksgiving. I’m thankful for all my readers and everybody who I’ve known over the past 31 years.

Today is also my birthday, so I have extra reason to be thankful tonight, but I do hope you all are doing well.

On a side note: There will be no RAW Satire this week. Which kind of sucks because I’m drawing to a close, but I hope you’ve been enjoying the conclusion of the series, and I look forward to bringing you to a thrilling(?) conclusion in the next few weeks.

World of Warcraft Wednesday: Naxxramas

November 23, 2011 World of Warcraft No comments

Lore:

During Vanilla, Naxxramas was the Scourge’s southern command post, allowing Kel’Thuzad to relay Arthas’ orders to their agents in the Plaguelands.

Unfortunately for ol’ Thuzi, a group of adventurers broke in, stole the powerful Ashbringer sword, and crippled Naxx’s production. So Arthas recalled it to Northrend where we…raid it again. I guess.

Degree of Difficulty: Medium

The trash is all very simple, though densely packed. There are a few areas (specifically in the Construct Quarter) where clearing the trash is less important than running the maze.

At level the bosses provide a modest challenge:

In the Arachnid Quarter:
-Anub’Rekhan: a Nerubian who spawns several adds during the fight
-Grand Widow Faerlina: Does some nice poison damage in addition to sacrificing worshipers.
-Maexxna: A giant spider who poisons and throws you.

In the Plague Quarter:
-Noth the Plaguebringer: A death knight/mage who has some pretty nasty curses that need to be dispelled.
-Heigan the Unclean: Shoots deadly plague out of the ground, but in a pattern, so you can avoid it if you recognize the scheme.
-Loatheb: A fungal giant with a plethora of nasty diseases.

In the Military Quarter:

-Instructor Razuvious: The chief Death Knight trainer, his fight involves mind controlling his two students into attacking him.
-Gothik the Harvester: You need to fend off waves of adds for four minutes before wiping him out.
-The Four Horseman: A difficult battle between four bosses in four corners of the room at the same time. Each have marks that you can’t allow to stack too high, so tank rotation is key.

In the Construct Quarter:
-Patchwerk: A pretty easy fight against a hard hitting abomination. Just keep DPSing him from behind.
-Grobbulus: Another abomination, he drops adds and has a nasty cast that will cause one member of the raid to spray AoE damage and drop a poison cloud.
-Gluth: A dog. He reduces healing, spawns zombie adds (which heal him if he eats them) and will drop your health to 5% every 90 seconds.
-Thaddius: An abomination with two adds (Feugen and Stalagg). The fight takes place on multiple platforms. Depending on whether you have a positive or negative “charge” you may need to switch platforms multiple times to be with raid members of your same charge.

At the Top Level:
-Sapphiron: A huge bone dragon, he summons a giant ice storm that AoEs down the party, as well as a flying attack that will kill you unless you hide behind an ice blocked raid member.
-Kel’Thuzad: The fight starts with a wave of mobs to kill, moves into a gimmicky fight with mind control, ground AoE and wasting ice blocks, and ends with a standard brawl against Thuzad and two adds.

Special Features:

Killing mobs in this raid grants you reputation with either the Alliance Vanguard, or whatever faction’s tabard you are currently wearing. The quest to gain entrance to the Occulus instance used to start here, but has since been removed.

Recommended for Levels: 80

Naxx is a hard instance to figure. It’s size and winged theme has made it tremendously popular, especially amongst retro raiders longing for the glory days of 40 Man Naxx during the game’s earliest days.

However, it hasn’t aged well, unfortunately. The gimmicks seem extra gimmicky these days, and there’s not much challenge to be found in finishing the raid. Plus, none of the drops are particularly good, even at level, anymore. Skip it. Run it when you’re 85 to get a nostalgia kick. Maybe.

Hock Show NFL Power Rankings for Week 11

November 23, 2011 NFL No comments

1. Green Bay Packers Thankful For: Bringing the biggest guns to a turkey shootout. Last Week: 1

2. San Francisco 49ers Thankful For: Brother vs. Brother Showdowns that really capture the spirit of Thanksgiving. Last Week: 2

3. New Orleans Saints Thankful For: The Chargers being too dumb to resign Darren Sproles. Last Week: 3

4. Pittsburgh Steelers Thankful For: The late bye giving them much needed “nappy time.” Last Week: 4

5. New England Patriots: Thankful For: Never learning the phrase “Defense wins championships.” Last Week: 7

6. Baltimore Ravens Thankful For: Drafting Ray Rice in all of their fantasy leagues this year. Last Week: 8

7. Houston Texans Thankful For: All those reps Matt Leinart has been taking with their second unit cheerleaders. Last Week: 5

8. Dallas Cowboys Thankful For: The fact that when it comes down to it, pretty much anybody can be a running back in the NFL.Last Week: 12

9. Chicago Bears Thankful For: All that positive press Caleb Hanie got after the NFC Championship game last year. Last Week: 9

10. Detroit LionsThankful For: Magic broken fingers that make you good at football again somehow. Last Week: 11

11. Atlanta Falcons Thankful For: Playing teams right when their best player goes out with an injury. Last Week: 14

12. New York Giants Thankful For: Manning family Thanksgivings. Maybe they can replace Eli with Cooper next! Last Week: 6

13. Cincinnati BengalsThankful For: Not picking one of the “bad” Quarterbacks. Last Week: 10

14. Oakland Raiders Thankful For: Jesse Palmer always hanging out at practice, uninvited, showing guys the hottest new apps. Last Week: 15

15. Denver Broncos Thankful For: Casting out that heathen drunkard Kyle Orton and devoting more practice time to prayer and Tebowing. Last Week: 19

16. New York Jets Thankful For: Only having the second grossest Ryan on television at any given moment. Last Week: 13

17. Tennessee Titans: Thankful For: Being able to chew turkey and stuffing, even with solid gold teeth. Last Week: 16

18. Buffalo Bills Thankful For: The small wonders of half of a good season. Last Week: 17

19. Philadelphia Eagles Thankful For: The triumphant return of Just Wins Games Vince Young. Last Week: 24

20. San Diego Chargers: Thankful For: The fact that none of them will probably be invited to Phillip Rivers’ house for Thanksgiving. Except Phillip Rivers. Maybe. Last Week: 18

21. Tampa Bay Buccaneers Thankful For: Not having to deal with any of that pesky “playoff talk” anymore. Last Week: 20

22. Kansas City Chiefs Thankful For: Somebody actually taking the time to point out that Tyler Palko was still on the roster. Last Week: 17

23. Seattle Seahawks Thankful For: Only needing two more wins to become bowl eligible. They still do that, right? Last Week: 28

24. Miami Dolphins Thankful For: Andrew Luck’s draft stock dropping in time with their draft position. Coincidence? Last Week: 28

25. Cleveland Browns Thankful For: The fact that no longer having to deal with the Madden Curse has brought them closer together as a team. On Madden. Last Week: 28

26. Washington Redskins Thankful For: The Mayflower bringing them turkey, food, and diseases. Oh wait. Last Week: 25

27. Minnesota Vikings Thankful For: The fact that when Adrian Peterson goes down they have another stud running back to turn to. Like…uh…Christian Ponder? Last Week: 23

28. Jacksonville Jaguars Thankful For: Blaine Gabbert’s Sampson-like hair, that allows him to throw interceptions as hard as possible. Last Week: 26

29. Arizona Cardinals Thankful For: Matt Leinart finally becoming an NFL starting quarterback. For another team. Last Week: 27

30. Saint Louis Rams Thankful For: The fact they can coast on the ol’ “everybody’s injured” excuse for one more season. Last Week: 29

31. Carolina Panthers Thankful For: Being able to fatten themselves up on the stupid Colts this week. Last Week: 31

32. Indianapolis Colts Thankful For: All the helpful advice Peyton Manning clearly has passed on to his fellow quarterbacks. Last Week: 32

YouTube: Meta Recall

November 22, 2011 YouTube No comments

I’m feeling sick, but here’s Arnold Schwarzeneggar totally recalling Total Recall. There’s got to be some kind of a meta thing going on here, but who knows.

Hock Show Weekend Top Five for November 13th – 19th, 2011

November 22, 2011 Weekend Top Five No comments

1. You Get a Beta Key! And You Get a Beta Key. In order to stress test servers, it was announced that anyone who had applied to the Star Wars: Old Republic beta before November 11th would get access to the Beta over Thanksgiving weekend. But that’s my sleepin’ time!

2. That One Girl Who Died in the 70s Might Have Been Murdered. Police re-opened the 30 year old case of Natalie Wood’s death, after the captain of the yacht she was partying on with Robert Wagner and Christopher Walken. No word on whether or not this is just so they can see what crazy interview answers Christopher Walken will give.

3. It Was the AMAs. America’s least useful music awards, but interesting if only for Selena Gomez looking about ten years too old for Justin Bieber, J-Lo making out with the entire audience (in a FIAT, did you see my FIAT?), and Taylor Swift winning every award, including all of the group and men’s awards, and gave the same shocked look Every. Single. Time.

4. Arnold Schwarzeneggar: Film Genius. The new DVD release for Total Recall was nothing to be excited about. It’s just the movie with a few commentaries. Oh, including one by Arnold himself, just describing things that are happening onscreen. Like…the best blind movie track ever. It’s…glorious.

5. Oh No, Nothing Wrong with This. A new baseball team in London showed off their uniforms and logo this week. The problem? Their mascot is “Ripper” as in “Jack the.” The team owner said he “never even made that connection” despite the team being the Rippers, the town being London, and the mascot being a creepy murderer in cape. As a fan of a team called The Vikings, I’m offended by this murdering mascot!

RAW Satire for 11/14/11

November 17, 2011 RAW Satire No comments

Last Week: Triple H and his Merry Gaggle of Geese got lost. But Ric Flair had a plan. Really? Ooook.

On a raft in the middle of the ocean….

Triple H: Ok. Great. Now we’re out in the middle of the ocean with a billion people on a raft and no food or water. What was your “brilliant” plan again, Naitch?

Ric Flair: WOO! Now we gotta get this raft up to 88 miles per hour and we go back…in time!

Rob Van Dam: Yeah! All right!!

Lance Storm, Action Figure: This isn’t going to work, you know.

HHH: No duh it’s not going to work! Ric, we’re on a RAFT, in case you haven’t noticed! How in the hell are we going to get it up to 88 miles per hour?! No way we can row that fast!

Lance: That is you’re problem with that plan?

Stephanie McMahon: Big talk coming from a action figure with a human soul.

Lance: …Touche.

Flair: Ok! Not 88! I meant eight! Eight miles per hour!

Kelly Kelly Kelly: Even I know you can’t just change it like that.

Flair: WOO! You drive a hard bargain! Two! Two miles per hour! Last offer!

HHH: That’s…conceivable. Who do we have manning the oars? Guys?

Mark Henry: I don’t man no oars! You hear me oars?! I DON’T MAN YOU! I’M MY OWN MAN! I AIN’T GIVIN’ THAT OR MY STANK TO NOBODY!

Randy Orton: Oarn’t you glad I didn’t say boatnana?!

“Dave” Batista “Davidson”: I threw the big spoons over the SIDE!

HHH: YOU WHAT?! Why’d you do that?!

Batista: I wanted to see a SHARK! Sharks use SPOONS!

HHH: All right, dammit. I refuse to give up on this asinine plan-

Flair: WOO! That’s why you’re the champ!

HHH: So, Cole, get out there and push.

Michael Cole: Absolutely! Here I go!

Cole jumps into the ocean and is immediately devoured by sharks holding oars.

Batista: YAY!

HHH: Aw crap. Any ideas? Lance?

Lance: You never cared what I thought before, Hunter.

HHH: Aw geez, Lance, don’t be like that. Ok. Fine. The sharks have eaten, so Randy get out there and push.

Stephanie: One guy isn’t going to get us up to two miles per hour.

HHH: Polar Bear, help him out.

The polar bear frowns and shakes his head, but he dives in after Orton. And with the two Superstars pushing, the raft quickly hits speeds exceeding two miles per hour. Suddenly, a storm appears out of nowhere over the ocean.

Storm: Oh, how ironic.

And a lighting bolt strikes the raft, sending it flying.

Last Week: Triple H defeated Rob Van Dam in the most Canadian Lumberjack Match since that one The Mountie was in. The Un-American Americans defeated Kane and Hurricane in the most embarrassing moment of Kane’s career. Oh wait, then he killed some girl. Who will he kill…TONIGHT?!

Backstage….

HHH: Ugh. Where am I?

Vince McMahon: Hunter?! What the hell are you doing back here? Your segment is on in ten minutes! That mannequin isn’t gonna screw itself, huh! Hahaha! Wait a second…Have you gained weight? It’s time to stop eating all those fries, buddy.

HHH: Is this real life?

Vince just shakes his head and leaves. Eric Bischoff approaches.

Eric Bischoff: Hunter, I just had the greatest idea in the history of ideas. Ok, get this: An Elimidate Chamber. Two people have a date in the middle of the ring, and every two minutes, another dater is added. The winning couple gets to fight it out for the WWE Title. What do you say?

HHH: Eric? What the hell are you doing here? Go back to TNA. And that was a crappy idea the last time you had it.

Eric Bischoff: Geez, what crawled up your butt? And what the hell is a TNA? That sounds like a Russo idea. It does have potential though. I prefer Earnest Miller’s Combat Wrestling though. Or Impact wrestling! With an exclamation point! Impact!

HHH: Oh my God! Do you know what this means, Eric?! He did it! That old bastard actually did it! He sent me back in time!

Bischoff: Huh? Is this some sort of new gimmick? Because we tried it with Techno Team 2000 and let me tell you-

HHH: Don’t be stupid, Bischoff. I don’t have time to explain. What’s the date? The date!

Bischoff: Woah ok, buddy, settle down. It’s October 7th, 2002.

HHH: Oh…My…God. YES! There’s still time! I can still save the WWE Universe!

Bischoff: That’s the stupidest name for our audience I’ve ever heard.

HHH: And TNA has been around since May. Get cable, nerd.

Hunter dashes down the hall and into the funeral home WWE’s been traveling with since 1990, just in case. There the lifeless body of a mannequin lays untouched.

HHH: Oh, thank God. Come on, Katie. We’re getting out of here.

The Undertaker: Not so fast. You are getting back onto that raft, going back to the future, and you are going on trial for destroying the WWE Universe forever. A stupid move that you started this very night.

HHH: Ho…how do you know all of that?!

Undertaker: I’m The Undertaker. I exist in the space between time and reality. I know all.

HHH: Well…crap. Later!

Hunter runs off down the hall. Taker frowns after him.

In the ring….

HHH: Ha! Got away from you, you old zombie bast…oh. Hey, WWE Uni…crowd. Uh.

Ric Flair: WOO! Hunter! We’re gonna tell these people all about how that dirty, dirty Kane had sex with that nasty dead lady, Katie Vick. Put your kids to bed, America!

HHH: Ric, Thank God! We have to get that heroine raft and get back out of here. Undertaker is on to us. We’ve got to go to, like, ancient times or something.

Flair: What are you talking about?!

HHH: Oh no! You must be ten years ago Ric Flair! Ok. We’ve got to figure out what’s going on. Let’s get the gang together, disguise ourselves, and that’ll buy us some time until we can figure out a plan.

Flair: WOO! That’s why you’re the champ!

The Hurricane runs out to stop Hunter from exposing his best friend’s deep dark secret.

The Hurricane: Stand back! There’s a Hurr-

HHH: Get out of my way, Shane Helms. And stay off motorcycles.

Hurricane: NOOOOoooo! My secret identity exposed!

(ads)

Jeffy Hardy vs. Chris Nowinski (w/ Al Snow)

These two guys are clearly the future of the wrestling industry. I mean, that Jeff Hardy is a clean cut dude, and he and his adorable, thin brother Matt are totally WWE Superstars for life. And Matt and Lita are such a cute couple! As for Nowinski, other than the unfortunate name, he’s got a good head on his shoulders, and he’s going to go far. Nowinski with his move (That’s His Move!) for the win.

Backstage in the Bischoffise.

Eric Bischoff: Man, I love WWE Catering! I’m never going to leave.

My Darling Stacy: Hey, you know what I love in a guy? Grey hair and a track record for never getting married.

Bischoff: My wife means nothing!

Stacy: Can I referee a match? I need more exposure for my burgeoning comedy career.

Bischoff: Absolutely! The more exposure the better!

Big Show: Hey, Eric. I’m gonna eat your fruit tray.

Bischoff: Just leave the fruit, ok?

Big Show: Yeah, absolutely.

(ads)

Backstage….

Tommy Dreamer: Man, I am happy to be out here tonight. When’s the wrestling start?

Al Snow: How the hell should I know? I’ve been talking to a mannequin head for my entire career. But at least I’ll be the only thing Lima, Ohio is ever known for.

Chris Nowinski: I don’t know. I hear they have some pretty cool Glee clubs.

Dreamer: Do you have brain damage or something?

Lance Storm and William Regal vs. Bubba Ray and Spike Dudley

It’s really too bad that D’Von left to start his own church, I think he really misses his brother Ray. I don’t know about you guys, but I think William Regal is looking kind of pale lately. I’m sort of worried about him. And have you ever seen him in the sunlight? He’s…shiny. I don’t know. It’s hard to explain. Spike wins with a roll-up because Regal is deathly afraid of him. Why would Regal be afraid of a Spike?

(ads)

Backstage, again….

Trish Stratus: These Divas Magazines are bringing in tons of cash, and women’s wrestling has never been hotter. This gravy train will never end!

Chris Jericho: I’m never going to stop wrestling for WWE. For real, you guys. No matter how much money they shove off a building.

Chris Tian: You know, some day, I’m going to be the world heavyweight champion.

Jericho: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

In the ring….

Eric Bischoff: No. Seriously! It’s a big metal chamber! And two people are in it and they go on a date…and…then they kiss? And-

(ads)

D’Lo Brown vs. Test
With Special Guest Referee My Darling Stacy

Hey, Test! D’Lo is looking for the Real Deal Now to start, but he can’t find it so he just waggling his head all over the place. I think Stacy and Test have some chemistry together, and a bright future. Though Test isn’t a pudgy, grey-haired man, so I don’t think he’ll end up with the girl. He does get the pin though, because D’Lo’s terrible.

Backstage….

Terri Runnels: I am not a scary witch woman! Any thoughts on that, Victoria?

Victoria: Shh…I lost my pet spider! Help me look!

Goldust: Marlena! Woohoo! Is it 1992 all over again!?

Booker T: Hillarious, dawg. You crazy! You’re all in my fav five!

(ads)

Booker T, Goldust, and Trish Stratus vs. Chris Jericho, Chris Tian, and Victoria

Look at all the Canadians! Ross and Lawler are too busy reminding viewers that Michael Cole doesn’t announce RAW to pay any attention to this match, which is too bad because they’re missing all the WORKRATE~! that is going on here. All the good Canadians named Chris are in this match! Jericho locks Trish in the Walls for the win. Can he do that? Booker does the Spinerooni anyway.

(ads)

Jonathan Coachman: Here’s my best friend Triple H and he’s got a video of necrophilia.

Triple H: Yo Yo Yo Yo YO YO YOOOOOO! YOOOO!

Word Life, this is basic Thuganomics,
Basic Basic Basic Thuganomics.
Because I’m Triple H,
The Doctor of THHHuganomics!

Ok, I can’t rap. But there’s been a change in schedule. It turns out that Kane didn’t commit necrophilia after all. He can’t even spell it. But I’ve got a new gimmick. It turns out that I’m a rapper who can’t rap. And I’m white as milk and I’m going to be in a movie called The Marine so check that out. But we’ve got a match coming up. So let me introduce my tag team partner. The Long Island Iced F, Ric Flair!

Ric Flair: Woo! Woo! WOO! That’s why you’re the champ!

HHH: The line is “You know it, bro!”

Flair: Know it? I already knew it! Know it?! I ALREADY KNEW IT! WOO WOO WOO!

HHH: And our opponents. First, from St. Louis, Missouri, the best wrestler in the world…RK Punk!

Randy Orton: Uh…Mister Hunter, I hate to point this out, but I’m still nine months away from being able to compete. Perhaps you haven’t been keeping up with my RNN updates, but I’m not capable of performing in this match you have so graciously booked for us.

HHH: Who the hell are you and what have you done with Randy Orton?

Orton: I don’t understand what you’re talking about to be honest, sir. But I have the highest respect for you and all your accomplishments, I assure you. I do have to ask about these tattoo sleeves you gave me to wear. Why would people actually get these tattooed on them? It looks ridiculous.

HHH: And his tag team partner…Mason Ryan!

Deacon Batista: Hi, guys! I’m really excited to be here tonight! I’m taking donations for my local church. My daughter is very excited about the new church program my Reverend D’Von is putting on.

HHH: Man, 2002 really sucked for my friends. But things are going to be different now. I’m WWE Champion. I’m married to the bosses daughter. And I’m ten years wiser! I’m going to run this better than ever, stay one step ahead of Undertaker, and we’re going to keep this WWE Universe lining my pocket with more money to buy all the Sarah McLaughlin merchandise money can buy!

Shawn Michaels: Oh, Hunter. I wish you could see the error of your ways.

HHH: Shawn?

Shawn: Yeah. It’s me. Hunter, I want you to see something. I’ll protect you from Undertaker’s shadow until it’s done. Come with me.

Next Time: Triple H takes a harrowing voyage through HHHistory.

World of Warcraft: Halls of Reflection

November 17, 2011 World of Warcraft No comments

Lore:

Last time we checked in, we’d snuck around to the back of Icecrown Citadel, and were ready to break in. And hey! We found the secret chamber where Arthas stores his horrible sword Frostmorne. Why, that almost sounds like a trap!

And it totally is. As soon as you break in with Jaina or Syvanis, Arthas sweeps in with his lieutenants Falric and Marwyn and traps you in the halls. Your help gets either killed or runs after Arthas, so it’s up to you to stop Falric and Marwyn once and for all.

Degree of Difficulty: Hard

Halls of Reflection gets sort of a bad rap because the trash can be difficult for an unprepared groups. There are 8 waves of fighters, a few of which (the Rifleman, Mage, and Footsoldier) that provide very little difficulty. But the Mercenary can hit extremely hard and the Priest has a heal and a fear. The enemies should be killed with this in mind, and can be bunched by breaking their line of sight in one of the alcoves.

Falric and Marwyn constitute the two bosses for the instance, and both are difficult but not hard. Falric has a stun and some hard shadow damage attacks. Marwyn has some really heavy damage attacks, including one that can effectively half your HP pool. The final “boss fight” is just an escape from the tower, killing off several waves of adds as quickly as possible so you can get past blockades. If your group comes in contact with Arthas (who is chasing you very, very slowly) you will wipe and have to start the event over.

Special Features:

The instance is available in normal and Heroic modes. Killing mobs in the instance will net you reputation with the Alliance or Horde Expedition if you run without a reputation tabard. Bringing the Battered Hilt into the instance starts an event in which Uther Lightbring warns you away from Frostmorne. The group then has to fight a possessed Quel’Delar, a relatively simple fight. Successfully defeating it furthers the owner’s quest to temper the sword.

Recommended for Levels: 80 (Normal)/80 (Heroic)

If you get used to it, Halls of Reflection is easily the best Wrath of the Lich King instance. The lore is great, with Arthas interacting with your group. The fights are fun and keep you on your toes (including a fun, but avoidable fight against your own group), and the boss fights aren’t too difficult.

It’s definitely worth a run-through, even today. The full story arc of the three Icecrown instances is among the best in the game, and Halls of Reflection is a worthy conclusion. The gear is even very good at level, and there’s a fair bit of XP to earn (though not as much as other, similarly leveled dungeons).

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