1. Bad Week for “Enhancement” in Sports.
While Lance Armstrong fights off the latest round of doping charges (though his first from the United States Anti-Doping Agency in a 15 page report), now Erin Andrews is facing allegations that she’s had some “enhancement work” done as well. Is nothing sacred in the sporting world these days? Leave Lance and Erin alone, you guys. They’re already having enough trouble finding real jobs.
2. A Guy Did Something Stupid, News at 11
Nik Wallenda, a member of the famous “Flying Wallenda” family crossed Niagra falls over the United States into Canada on a tight rope this week, making him the first to ever accomplish the entirely stupid and meaningless feat. Most disappointing was the fact that he walked the entire way tied to the rope with a support cable, ensuring that even if he fell, it would just be embarrassing. Still…Cool job, bro.
3. Proving That They Learned Nothing from Shit My Dad Says….
CBS and Ryan Seacrest announced this week that they were teaming up to create a new televised game show featuring the popular iPhone/Pad app “Draw Something.” The Zynga app has more 50 million downloads in the past year, though CBS is expected to rename the show “Win, Lose or Draw.”
4. Comcast Protecting Torrenters?
In maybe the oddest reversal of fortunes this week, Comcast (owners of some of the world’s largest collections of video copyrights) is refusing to turn over details about their internet customers to companies looking to file lawsuits and seek settlements against users of Bit Torrent networks. Essentially, Darth Vader is secretly high fiving Rebel soldiers.
5. And In Other News, Heart Attacks Up 20%
Burger King is testing a new desert over the summer in some markets (it’s currently only available in Tennessee). What’s so special about this thing? Well, it’s drizzled in chocolate, caramel and…bacon. With a stick of bacon on the side as much sugar as 4 liters of Mountain Dew. Party on America. Party on.